What is love? And Other Social Media DOHs (aka Stan Faryna feat Beatie Wolfe)
by Stan Faryna
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Play the soundcloud player to hear the podcast. Or download it here. The podcast sounds awesome with earphones or played on hi-fi speakers. Try it and tell me what you think.
Mobile users: you should be able to hear the podcast here.
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Special Thanks to Beatie Wolfe for giving her express permission to use her music in this blog post and pod cast. Thank you so much, Beatie.
You can buy Beatie’s album, EP, here.
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What is love?
My GF was listening to my podcast about love. It’s also about listening. Other things too.
She was in bed. We were in a hotel in the mountains of Western Romania. Near the Serbian border. I was sitting on the couch with my lap top sitting on the coffee table.
“I listen to this podcast every night before I go to bed,” she told me.
“Huh?” I blurted out with certain puzzlement. Her statement took me by surprise.
“Why?” I asked, looking up from my laptop.
“Because I love your voice. I love what you say. You’re very wise,” she answered.
I was flying high on her words, but I wanted to resolve a paradox – a paradox that really bugs me. Maybe, she would sort it out.
“Most of the time, you think I’m a wise guy and you’d like to throw something at me,” I joked. “Especially when I have something deep to share. Something that means a lot to me.
An hour ago, you were still mad at me because you didn’t like the way I drove three hours ago.”
She told me to be quiet – so she could hear the rest of the podcast. I shut up. I clicked a link in my Twitter feed and started to read Jack’s latest blog post.
When the podcast finished, she announced that she had a big insight to share with me.
I stopped reading Jack’s post. I listened.
“You can’t really fall in love with someone – if you don’t admire them for something,” she explained.
“But, it’s bigger than that. You can’t stay in love with someone – if you don’t admire them…
All the little things that you do that piss me off are just little things. But you knock it out of the park when it counts. You do… things no one that I know does. Beautiful things. Amazing things!
Like the podcast. It’s important. It’s sexy. It’s you.”
I decided to take this opportunity to clear the slate for all my time on Twitter.
“I do beautiful things on Twitter too,” I suggested in a modest voice.
“Don’t even mention Twitter! Jerk… ” she snapped at me. “Good night. I love you.”
Stop
This is where I should stop writing. Everything I wanted to communicate to you in this post regarding love, social media, and blogging… is in this – this intimately true and compelling parable. Seth Godin would have ended with a call to action. And that would be considered genius. It would be another home run for Seth.
In fact, I’m Stan Faryna. I’m not a New York Times Best Seller (but I have a book). So there’s no home run in a five million seat stadium for me. Quite possibly, never.
But, frankly, I don’t think Seth really gets it. Because he doesn’t work it through for dummies like me. Therefore, I can only assume Seth doesn’t really understand how business and social media can thrive, sustain, or be a force for good.
But I could be mistaken about Seth. Maybe, he knows! And if he really knows, maybe, Seth just doesn’t care if we (you and me) get it or not.
Either way, Seth is not going to send me a tweet saying thanks for mentioning him. Seth is not going to retweet or tweet a link to this blog post. Because that might give me – a nobody – a homerun. <grin>
My professional experience also informs me to stop here. It was bad enough I didn’t use bullet points. It was bad enough that I didn’t condense the parable into half the words that I used to relate this human event.
Even now, some readers are feeling the urgency to move on to the next blog post. Don’t forget to leave a comment on your way out.
Because they have a lot of blog posts to read today.
Maybe, writing and reading marketing things is different than reading and writing to illuminate things. But most of us just want to know how we can sell our souls. And a short list will do. A list that we can easily check off and move on from. Isn’t that how people succeed?
It may be. But not really.
Reading a lot of blog posts as fast as you can isn’t going to help you figure things out. The exceptions may (or may not) be those who can boast an IQ of 140+. Those kind of people are more likely to get it quicker. But the interesting thing is that they are just as likely to get things wrong, faster. You can read Robert M. Pirsig’s Lila – if you feel the need to understand the previous sentence.
I’m being sincere with you. I’m telling what weighs on my heart. I’m not going to stop. You are free to move on, however.
But please don’t. Don’t move on this time. Allow me to try your patience today. Will you give me a chance?
I’m not going to stop here because what I wanted to communicate in this blog post to you about love, social media, and blogging needs more words. A lot more words. Because I’m pretty sure you haven’t gotten what you need to make good use of what I am sharing.
If we got enough out of the blog posts that we read… to put it into good use, there would be a lot less echo in the blogosphere.
Think about it. With your heart. Does it ring true for you?
If we got enough out of the blog posts that we read… to put it into good use, there would be a lot less echo in the blogosphere.
Do you get it?
And now we can get back to thinking through my question about love, social media, and blogging.
And Other Social Media DOHs
I wonder if social media relevancy is the same way: if people don’t admire you, they’ll dump you. Stop reading your blog. Ignore your tweets. Stop clicking the like or +1 button- if they ever did in the first place. They’ll move on, get their entertainment, inspiration, or group therapy… elsewhere. Quicker than you can say, “Ooh Yeah”.
I’d like to imagine Jack would say that we shouldn’t worry about that. That we write for ourselves (first) and that’s the best we can do. But, I suppose, even Jack believes that if we keep it close to the heart, if we write well, and if we write often, that this is something for which we will be admired. And that’s enough. That’s something for which we can be thankful. Even if our words are only touching the hearts of 20 fans-friends-readers.
I may be wrong about Jack’s opinion on the matter. But that’s how I imagine him telling it to me at 3am Pacific Time.
Then I think of all those people out there that want to make a living by blogging or social media in general. I think of Eugene Farber, James McCullough, Bonnie Squires and many others. 20 fans-friends-readers aren’t going to pay all of the bills. Put food on the table. Keep the internet on. You get the idea.
Yes, Eugene and all the others have to keep it close to the heart, write well, and write often. They also have to be relevant, honest, and, yes – perhaps even… admirable.
It is no small challenge to be relevant. It’s even harder to be honest. And as much as we all want much admiration for ourselves and an admiration for others – admiration is the hardest thing. To win. Or to give.
The sympathetic nod in group therapy heals us. The comments heal us. Sometimes, the tweets and retweets too. The online friendships that evolve, they encourage us and complete us as human persons.
But I still wonder.
I wonder if those friendships would be truer and more enduring, if our reach would be longer and wider, and if our ability to make a difference would be more profound and powerful, if our accomplishments were more excellent and worthy of greater admiration.
Even then… not every amazing thing that we do (things that are worthy of greater admiration) will be appreciated equally by all people. In fact, there are few things that command unequivocal authority, admiration, and envy. Lots of money, unfortunately, is one of them. Fame and power are the other two.
How will you be admired by friends, fans, and followers – if you don’t command these three wonders?
How will you be admired by your lover?
What do you have to keep on doing to keep him or her (or your fans and followers) from walking out the door?
I want clear, accurate, and actionable answers. Because I am not me – alone. Because I am not happy, alone.
Why you’re reading my blog post
I am neither rich, famous, nor powerful. But I do afford to be sincere with you. I will speak with you from my heart. Sometimes, from my soul. And, sometimes, sometimes, from deeper than that.
I may not help you become rich, famous, and powerful. But nor will most – not even… New York Times best selling authors, billionaires, millionaires, or gurus with a Secret.
If what they wrote or said really worked, things would be different for their millions of fans. Period.
Questions are often more useful to us than answers.
It speaks to me. To my heart. Does this insight move your heart?
Questions are often more useful to us than answers.
Clear, accurate, and actionable answers may never come for all of our deepest questions. And those that do come – can take forever. Or so it seems. I wrote my senior thesis in college about what it means to be human and what we can expect from this humanity that is ours. Almost 20 years later, I still have unanswered questions.
Maybe, I am just stupid. As I grow older, I become more and more convinced of my ignorance. But not just my ignorance – my own incompetence in matters of prudence, science, and wisdom.
Yeah, I hate to confess it. To you. To me. Unbid tears are coming to my eyes. I’m a disappointment. To me. I had such great expectations.
Like you, I am often unimpressed by me. But you don’t have to admit it to anyone. Not about you – your secret is safe with me.
If I can be true. If I can serve. If I can give. I’m thankful to you and God for making that opportunity happen for me.
I recognize now that such opportunities are not because I am awesome. It’s not because I am amazing. It’s because of you. Because you, in fact, are amazing. And, yes, God is among you. God is with you. God is acting in you.
Sometimes.
I know this is too much information.
But if you are still reading, you keep on reading here because you still haven’t found what you’re looking for. Obviously, you have other things you could be doing. But, maybe, not better things. In other words, you’re willing to read a little more – just in case I can bring it home for you.
I’m afraid
I’m afraid I will fail to bring it home for you like I did here.
I’m afraid that I am not worthy of your admiration. I’m afraid that I won’t be worthy of your admiration, tomorrow.
I’m afraid that I am not worthy of the admiration of the people whose names are written in my heart. I’m afraid that I will not be worthy of their admiration, tomorrow.
I’m afraid that you will leave me to myself.
Because as Adrian Klein suggested in one of his blog posts about being a rockstar, I cannot be me without you.
Adi writes:
I hate to admit it because I am fiercely independent. That I am nothing without you. Not a nobody – but a nothing. There is a difference.
Perhaps, you have the same fears.
I cannot be me without you. Because I am nothing without you.
It is so true- even if it seems so wrong. But what does this mean?
Your heart will know long before your mind can comprehend it.
But don’t you stop asking what it means in your heart. Because questions are often more useful to us than the answers.
And to the point, here are three questions that pierce my side like a spear.
1. How will we fall in love and stay in love without growing admiration for others?
2. What must we do so that we’ll be persistently held in high admiration by others?
3. Why does love ask so much of us! Why do we believe we have so much to give?
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Because.
Because we cannot be ourselves without others – regardless of our brave faces, our free spirit, or, even, our steel-breasted determination.
If we our lucky, we get to walk out to a red sunset. Alone. Admired. Not sticking around long enough to be an even greater disappointment.
…
Is that really lucky, Jack?
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Stan Faryna
31 July 2011
Bucharest, Romania
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Faryna Podcasts recently produced by Adrian Klein:
1. Why do I blog: Faryna Podcast EP1
http://wp.me/pbg0R-kX
2. If Tomorrow Was Your Last Day: Faryna Podcast EP2
http://wp.me/pbg0R-la
3. Money Can’t Buy Happiness: Faryna Podcast EP3
http://wp.me/pbg0R-lv
4. The First Duty of Love is to Listen: Faryna Podcast EP4
http://wp.me/pbg0R-lO
5. Are You Ready for Love? Faryna Podcast EP5
http://wp.me/pbg0R-lX
6. Reading The Desiderata. Faryna Podcast EP6
http://wp.me/pbg0R-mr
Note: If you want to make a professional podcast out of your blog post, get in touch with Adrian Klein on Twitter or Facebook.
Faryna Podcast EP5 Information
What is Love? And Other Social Media DOHs by Stan Faryna. ©2011 Some Rights Reserved.
Produced by Adrian Klein. http://www.adrianklein.co.uk
Music: Beatie Wolfe. Oh Darling, Pure Being, and It All Will Fall. Some Rights Reserved.
Follow me on Twitter: @Faryna
The unofficial blog of Stan Faryna 
You don’t need to hit a home run- you just need to touch your community. You can’t be all things to all people- so it is more effective and more efficient to write for you and then let your community absorb, accept and understand.
Jack:
I’m glad to see your comment. Thank you.
I appreciate you, Jack.
So are you saying that you’ve given up on hitting home runs? Can I quote you on that?! [laughing]
So how we gonna bottle kitteh cuteness and cheezburgrz? [grin]
But, the bigger question for me is, can any kind of “cute” substitute for the kind of admiration that fuels passion, obsession, and greatness?
Or am I just delusional? Which very well could be. [grin]
Great post Stan.
My thought, if you don’t mind, is that I don’t have any idea if the immensity of my spirit. God knows. My dreams for my life dwarf His. So the best I can do is get up everyday and do that one thing that pops to the surface of my brain in the morning. And, more often than not, that step has been an answer to someone else’s prayer. (Usually mine!). I rarely get to know if I’ve made a difference, so I trust that pattern. If He knows what I’m meant to do in the world, and if I’m willing to believe that like everyone else I’m the only one to share “my message”, then I have to be willing to show up and give as well as receive. Sometimes there are HUGE spaces of no feedback. I use those times to tell others how they’ve impacted ME.
Can I EVER comment briefly? HAHA! Very thoughtful post. And it wasn’t too long.
Bye! Betsy
Betsy,
Your comments are never too long. If anything, they may be too brief. I have more than a feeling you have a lot of important things to contribute on this subject.
I appreciate you.
I feel the same way, Betsy. I’d like to think that I show up. I’d like to think I am listening. But what I do may not even be my best. Because I make mistakes. I can be mistaken. But the intention to do my best is there.
Sometimes. [smile]
Give and receive – you are so right about that. They may be the same thing, in fact. If we could look at it from another point of view.
Stan.
This, as always, touched my heart. (it also made me laugh out loud!) The words…”If we got enough out of the blog posts that we read… to put it into good use, there would be a lot less echo in the blogosphere.” …resonate.
As for the post, in it’s entirety..Stan, the way your voice speaks to us (to me) is in the quiet, almost physical, quality. The words, you hold that same mirror that Stacey uses (my lifestyle max dot com) to show us our own souls.
I am at a loss for words, I’m in no hurry, because I know I’ll listen again and print it to read again and again. (It’s what I do, when something nudges my brain) But I wanted you to know,.. beautiful.
I hold you in my highest regard… with my greatest admiration. ~Amber-Lee
Amber,
The feeling is mutual. How can I not hold you in high regard?! You thunder across the Alaskan wilderness upon galloping sunshine…
And I imagine that I stand no chance in a contest of arm-wrestling or firewood chopping. But I’m cool with that. I think that’s awesome.
Every comment you make, it finds my heart. Like a clean shot. You are an accomplished marksman. Markswoman?
I appreciate you – more than you can ever imagine. You lift me up. You encourage me.
As for echo, I want to confess to you that some of the much bemoaned echo suggests serendipity and synchronicity. I glimpse tides, currents, and undertow that are moving in us… in the blogosphere. So there is something amazing going on in some of that echo that is meaningful and relevant to us. It goes beyond any of the obvious aspirations, ambitions, and disappointments that we share.
Anyway, I hope you didn’t print it out yet, because you need my reply to you in there. You need to be reminded every time you read it, that…
You’re wonderful. And I appreciate you, Amber-Lee.
And there’s a castle in your future.
It freaks me out when you say you are a disappointment to yourself. But I realize suddenly your expectations for yourself follow in Christ. It’s extraordinary. It’s intimidating. Intense as the forces of the stars. Whatever your failures, challenges, and mistakes, you uplift and encourage people. You did much more than that. Your online friends don’t know what you did for real people in Bucharest. You won’t give me permission to tell the stories! Ok, ok, I respect your wishes. But how can I share how beautiful you are without telling here about what you have given?! Grrr!
Yesterday belongs to yesterday.
What am I doing today? What are you doing today? Today is what counts today. Do we shine? [warm smile]
I appreciate you. And you truly honor me by respecting my wishes. I thank you with all my heart. Your friendship means the world to me.
(hug)
P.S. The stories you can tell at the funeral. [laughing]
Stan, this is my first visit to your Blog. Bonnie and I were on skype talking about love and blogs and she mentioned reading your blog. Well. I said… I’ve never been to his blog, you got the URL?
I find myself here and thinking about how the essence of who you are comes out in your writing. A gentle and loving spirit.
We were created to love, to be loved and you believe in love. To impact someone else’s life is being the one to love… and that is what gives life it’s meaning. You’ve impacted me! Thanks!
I really enjoyed spending time here and will be back.
I do agree with your GF, to some extent. I do agree we need to admire the people we love, but not because love is admiration, but because admiration gives you a healthy dose of respect for the ones you care for. So it’s not “I love you because I admire you”, but “I admire you because I love you”.
What is love? It most certainly isn’t just admiration, in my humble opinion … And it isn’t just caring for someone either. I cannot explain what exactly love is because, truth be told, I don’t know. I just know it’s something that’s going to be there regardless of time and circumstances. How can you earn it?…I don’t know that either, but I think it’s a good start to be a nice person. And if you really want to grow admiration for the people around you, you should admire them for tiny things, like the way they make the coffee/tea/breakfast, or for the fact they stop to salute you and ask you how you feel. And maybe, those tiny things will make you realize that there is something more than admiration that connects your souls.
So yeah…admiration may not be love, but it’s a good way to reach it, if we really want this…if. We are such selfish beings we don’t even want to love, because love doesn’t allow you to be selfish. Love doesn’t demand anything in return, not even love. It craves for it, but doesn’t demand it. So love doesn’t ask so much of us … except for giving up our huge egos.
And that is something really hard to do, isn’t it? We want things, because we think we deserve them. When we have a BF/GF we think they should give us love, they should do that, and like that….and, then you know that is NOT love. When you’re in love … the smile of the one you love can make you happier than the hugs, kisses, etc. any other person might give you.
Thank you for yet another inspiring blog, Stan! Your questions really make the wheels in my head spin.
[…] What is love? And Other Social Media DOHs by Stan Faryna […]
Hi Stan
Wow this was awesome. It truly spoke to me.
If time i read it i cried. Than I read it 2 more
times. Now i just got to listen to the pod cast wow.
You are truly speaking from your heart with these
pod cast blogs. I’m really touched by this one.
One thing I can say is You will never lose me as
a fan and diffidently not as a friend.
Bonnie Squires
Big hug to you Bonnie. And thank you.
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From the soul and then some…
Like leaning on a good wall that you know will suport you. I liked this post for reasons more than its words. I liked it for the effect it had upon me.
Billy
It sure is a long pod cast! I just listened to it again. But, yes, it’s how I feel about what I did here. Like leaning on a good wall.
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If I’m reading “between the lines” accurately, I do believe I’m hearing echoes of Nietzsche’s nihilism. Perhaps you need to smash the idol of your ideal self in your own mind in order to liberate yourself from these lofty expectations. Where do your expectations come from, yourself, or from your environment? Don’t get me wrong, expectations are great for inspiring us to do things, but if we set our expectations so high as to be unachievable, we run the risk of giving up for lack of ever being able to succeed, or the curse of forever feeling like a failure. It’s not necessarily in the accomplishment, but rather it’s in the attempt, that we may hope to find and attain true virtue…
That’s an interesting take. Nietzsche is interesting to me but nihilism is not. [grin] Email me a long email. I know you have a lot more to say.