Recap: Do you communicate or spam? @BruceSallan @SmartBoyDesigns @chattyprof #DadChat

Are you on the same page? With whom?

That’s what effective communication is all about, right? 

The only way to solve our problems is to work together with others (family, friends, colleagues, and, sometimes, strangers). Little problems or big. That’s how it is. We have to build consensus about the facts and the goals. We have to make decisions about the best use of commonly accepted facts and resources. In other words, the bottom line is effective communication. Without it, we ain’t getting anywhere.

Not you. Not me. No one.

Note: This #DadChat RECAP appeared last week on Bruce Sallan’s blog.

Simon & Garfunkel, Bridge Over Troubled Water

That’s what people were talking about in Bruce Sallan’s DadChat with Professor Ellen Bremen (@chattyprof) and Christian Hollingsworth (@SmartBoyDesigns). Here’s the three big questions that the awesome people of DadChat considered:

What is effective communication?

How do we get on the same page?

What gets in the way of us hearing what each other has to say?

The transcript of this #dadchat is here:

http://beta.hashtracking.com/ht-pro-rpt/cjeffers-dadchat-2012-05-24/#transcript

Join the fun! Log-in to #dadchat every Thursday night at 6pm PST: http://www.tweetchat.com/room/dadchat

Snips and Bites from the #DadChat

The tweets listed below only represent a fraction of the chat and participants. See the transcript for the complete record of this mind-blowing chat.

What is effective communication?

Stan Faryna (@Faryna):

What is effective communication?

Ellen Bremen (@chattyprof):

When both sender and receiver “get it” :)

Angie Mozilo (@azmomofmanyhats):

Communication makes existing living.

Brad Marmo (@readbradthedad):

I was a Communications major in college, does that count?

Kenna Griffin (@profkrg):

I teach in a Mass Comm program!

Allana Prat (@allanapratt)

I think we teach what we’re meant to learn! I love intimacy- with my beloved, myself, my son, w/nature,a daily practice.

Chris (@CanadianDadBlog):

Bah! Work emergency, I have to bail tonight, sorry! I hope to catch up on the transcript later. Thanks! Have fun!

Bruce Sallan (@BruceSallan):

Anyone read the Five Languages of Love? THAT helped define things for my wife and me!

Stan Faryna (@Faryna):

Karen Horney’s The Feminine Psychology was my wake up call. That was 20+ years ago.

Greg Laycock (@GregLaycock)

It’s super hard for a single dad, but what I’ve learned is that you need to have 1-on-1 chatting time with each child, and often.

Brad Marmo (@readbradthedad):

I give single parents mad props. Can’t even imagine.

Aaron Kilby (@kilby76)

Me, me me… LOL RT @BruceSallan So, who thinks they communicate better with their kids or their spouse?

Sonya (@Sonya_LeanOnUs)

If it’s personal stuff my son always comes to me.

Christian Hollingsworth (@SmartBoyDesigns):

Rather ironic. Logged in tonight to chat about effective communication. Twitter not being so effective. All I can do is let it be.

Jack (@MunkayJacked):

I believe the best way for communication to work is when you have a thirst for knowledge. Soak up information like a sponge.

How do we get on the same page?

Christian Hollingsworth (@SmartBoyDesigns):

If you make listening and observation your occupation you will gain much more than you can by talk. - Robert Baden-Powell

Angie Mozilo (@azmomofmanyhats):

Listening is the first step in effective communication!

Bridget Heckman (@theluxcrystal)

I think when your child talks to you, listen-really listen and make eye contact.#theymatter 

Stan Faryna (@Faryna):

Great Book on Listening by Mortimer Adler > How to Speak. How to Listen 

Russell Bonchu (@squirleywrath):

I just took a boy scout training called #woodbadge, which deals a lot with active & empathetic listening, among other things

Christian Hollingsworth (@SmartBoyDesigns):

If it wasn’t for my Mom, I would be nothing. Her communication skills are superb.

Bento Leal (@empathy4life):

Empathic listening helps with my 3 adult children and 2 sons in law

Allana Prat (@allanapratt):

@faryna I like to stop talking to myself and in the silence see what arises, or just be OK not knowing and being…

Bruce Sallan (@BruceSallan):

HOW do you turn off talking to yourself?

Ellen Bremen (@chattyprof):

I teach my students about paraphrasing: Repeating what the other person says in your own words

@smartboydesigns posted about a form of listening today: Asking questions :-)

Carolyn Nicander Mohr (@wonderoftech):

Listening tip: paraphrase what the person is saying to make sure you’re understanding the message.

Jack (@MunkayJacked):

Another tip. Don’t be afraid to ask questions if you don’t understand.

Christian Hollingsworth (@SmartBoyDesigns):

I need to hear these [listening tips]. I’m not always the best at listening.

Dr. Santhan Reddy (@drsanthan):

Paraphrasing helps to understand the facts. Try and validate the feeling too. You may be feeling _____.

Allana Prat (@allanapratt):

My son loves that I don’t multitask- I focus right on him or say hang on while I finish up- never pretend to listen

What gets in the way of us hearing what each other has to say?

Bruce Sallan (@BruceSallan):

Hmmm, the question is not OUR listening to our kids but THEY listening to US!? Don’t you think?

Allana Prat (@allanapratt):

What speaks louder than words?

Jack (@MunkayJacked):

Actions

Mimi Baker (@MimiBakerMN):

Absolutely true! RT @MunkayJacked: Actions @allanapratt: What speaks louder than words?

Ellen Bremen (@chattyprof):

So true… we pay attention to the nonverbals about 95% over the verbals.

Russell Bonchu (@squirleywrath):

Yes

Christian Hollingsworth (@SmartBoyDesigns):

I know I ALWAYS learn more from example than words.

Ellen Bremen (@chattyprof):

I remember Oprah saying about Maya Angelou that our kids respond to our reaction when they walk in a room

Dr. Santhan Reddy (@drsanthan):

True. When my 1 year old falls, she searches for my reaction, before she decides to cry

Allana Prat (@allanapratt):

I have trouble listening to when to slow down, trust, let go.

Jack (@MunkayJacked):

S/times we can’t listen cause we don’t understand what is said or hear what is being communicated. We hear facts but miss meaning

Cupcake Cuties (@CupcakeCutieKit):

Yes me too!!! @allanapratt: @brucesallan I have trouble listening to when to slow down, trust, let go.

Jack (@MunkayJacked):

Ha ha, it’s the selective hearing we all have! @CrossBetsy: My son had to move out before he admitted he heard evrything I said

Stan Faryna (@Faryna):

You’re shining @MunkayJacked! Shining bright.

Bruce Sallan (@BruceSallan):

We each have diff languages of love and learning to “speak” the others is the challenge!

Vincent Daly (@CuteMonsterDad):

A lot of the lack of communication between spouses is rooted in insecurity or fear. Easier to blame than to be vulnerable.

Allana Prat (@allanapratt):

I have a HARD time “receiving” judgment!

Randy Thio (@ideabloke):

Isn’t it funny how the act of trying to avoid an argument only fuels it further?!

Related Blog Posts

How to Communicate That You’ve Changed Your Mind by Ellen Bremen

A Dad’s Letter to His 18-Year-Old Son (Better Men Blog)

How much time do you spend commenting on blogs? by Christian Hollingsworth

Changing Your Grip by Scott Hanley

Ten Elementary Differences Between Men and Women, Part One by Bruce Sallan

The First Duty of Love is to Listen by Stan Faryna

You Are My Sunshine by Carolyn Nicander Mohr

Related Books

How to Speak. How to Listen by Mortimer Adler

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Faber and Mazlish

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That lasts by Gary Chapman

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray

Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Stan Faryna

An American living in Bucharest, Romania, Stan Faryna searches for better questions about who we are, what we’re doing, and how we shall better know ourselves and love others. He hopes for answers that fill the heart, lift it up, and substantiate the dignity of the human person.

Stan’s Unofficial Blog
Twitter: @Faryna
Faryna on Facebook

4 Responses to Recap: Do you communicate or spam? @BruceSallan @SmartBoyDesigns @chattyprof #DadChat

  1. billdorman says:

    Personally, I think you have to be a better listener first. If you can do that, then you will be able to communicate more effectively instead of ‘spamming.’ It is something I can always improve on…..

  2. Stan Faryna says:

    Indeed, it is something we can all improve upon. Well said, Bill.

  3. alaskachick says:

    I have attempted for the last year and a half to be involved with one of these chats!

    There is some very important input in your re-cap, Stan.
    I am glad I came over to read this at the beginning of my day.

    Maybe it will make my kiddos smile more today. Because we do get busy…I AM busy. I need to start separating myself, maybe the word is “distancing”, now, more from work and putting the scale balance back into their favor.

    Listening is a much more important tool in our personal tool-boxes than it is given credit for. In business, I would think most if not all, it is crucial. Also, as a trainer, the listening helps not only understand what is being said or asked and WHY, but it helps to understand what listening actually is, which is an absolute must for the professionals I train.

    Thanks for this.

  4. We’re doing Rock ‘N’ Roll at #DadChat Stan this week. Why? Because YOU ROCK!

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