Beautifully and brutally honest: @tweeting_lies writes about how he feels Out of Step

Beautifully and brutally honest: @tweeting_lies writes about how he feels Out of Step

by Stan Faryna

Stan Faryna

Here, Ward Defender writes:

You know for a while, I was feeling ok, and all seemed well, but this last week….  I just can’t shake this awkwardness in everything I do, again.  Work, interpersonal relations, and just life in general seems to be wrong.  Everything, just wrong. It’s not as though I’m going to stop being myself and I do keep trying to figure it out, but I don’t get it, and just can’t seem to figure out why.

Pusha T ft. Tyler, The Creator. Trouble On My Mind

Ward is a fan of Tyler. Hence, the music. And, honestly, I don’t understand why Ward fans Tyler.

Ok, Tyler is funny in a very wrong way. But until Tyler gets his dumbass* out of the ghetto think, he’s never going to discover the larger humanity, greatness, and creativity within Tyler.

* Reference to Tyler’s tweet on April 12: “Im a dumbass…”

I don’t have to see eye to eye with Ward on everything. He’s a real life friend and I love this guy. He might not know it, but he’s written in my heart. He’s wife is wacky and I love her too. His kids are awesome. Love them!

Ward should be a Comedy Central TV show host. Or a SNL comedian. Eddie Murphy and Jon Stewart got nothing on Ward Defender.

Ward is awesome like that. Larger than life. I’ve told him so – many times.

But Ward feels alone. I don’t think he’s the only one.

I feel alone. I got trouble on my mind. So much trouble on my mind. Sometimes – even in the midst of friends and family.

Writes Ward:

I just wonder why I can’t have that feeling so many others just get. They just seem to find their place in the big puzzle of the social structure and fit right in. I just stand on the outside and wonder why it’s so easy for them. And if I’ll ever get it.

We’re all standing on the outside, bro. Yet we are bound to each other by bonds and words and destiny – beyond even our imagination.

But I’m guessing Ward’s problem is really something else. Ward needs an audience to connect with. Because Ward has so much to give us.

Maybe, you too. Things to give. Things which you have not yet given.

Destiny speaks to us through our existential anxiety, bro.

Even Jean-Paul Sartre didn’t figure that shit out. Or Camus. But here I am, laying it out like a dime bag of pure, undiluted nilbog.

What am I saying? There’s a line from Frank Ocean’s song, Swim Good. It’s perfect.

Swim for something bigger…

Frank Ocean, Swim Good

Oh – Ward Defender is @tweeting_lies on Twitter. Check out his madness.

Stan Faryna
12 April 2012
Cacica, Romania


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4 Responses to Beautifully and brutally honest: @tweeting_lies writes about how he feels Out of Step

  1. Betsy Cross says:

    HA! I had to look up Nilbog! My question? Do you find your audience or do they find you? I gravitate towards what interests me. And I’m grateful to have stuff to read that makes me think! Thanks!

    • Stan Faryna says:

      Wow, what a question, Betsy.

      My off the hip shot is that we have to go out there and make an audience for ourselves – one way or another. And I’m none too thrilled about saying that. McDonalds, Coca-cola, and Snickers, for example, are imbedded in our consciousness (most of us) and they still spend 100s of millions every year in advertising.

      The sell is easier, cheaper, and quicker for some but not others. Sometimes, there are other forces at work. Or most times. To our advantage or disadvantage – depending on whether or not we serve those interests be they corporate or otherwise. And then, there’s this factor that relates to your cultural bias – does it resonate or not with the spirit of today? Or with whom?

      And then we can talk about whether or not you got what your market wants right now.

      Myself, I’m surprised and glad you still find my blog interesting after six or so months.

  2. Thank you for this, though I’m not sure why you chose to use me as your subject. I mean I know I’m at least interesting, but I blog about once every two years. Ha ha.

    A few things to correct here. Just for honesty’s sake (well and you know how pedantic I am).

    1) Tyler the Creator is a kid who started with nothing, wrote his music, stuck to it when so many people told him to cut it out, and knows that it’s all a fleeting dream so he enjoys the hell out of it (Upon being called immature, he rapped, “Fuck you think I made Odd Future for? To wear fucking suits and make good decisions?”). He may be course and crass, but so what? He appreciates his audience, what he’s doing, and where he is more than almost anyone else in hip hop (see his interview with Nardwuar to see how happy and funny he is.


    It reminds me of my old punk rock days. You may not like his language, but you’ve got to smile at how he’s seemingly unaffected by everything going on around him. He’s a kid and he’s got PLENTY of time to grow up. Plus he’s a skater; well and he IS my illegitimate son.

    2) I really don’t need an audience to connect with, I just need a few people in my real life that I feel I’m in communion with. It’s been years since I’ve really had that feeling. It’s no one’s fault, I just am a mess and too wrapped up in work, life and junk.

    3) You and I see eye to eye on the right things, and that’s all that matters. Thank you for the reach out, and the sweet words about me and my family I miss you, please take care of yourself and let me know when you’re back in the first world so you can see how big the crazies are.

    • Stan Faryna says:

      Some good music reference in that interview, bro:

      James Pants – Looks That Kill

      Alan Tew – Someone You Love

      Honestly, I don’t have a problem with Tyler’s language. It’s the ideas. Or lack thereof. Wolfgang is not an idea. And triceratops dick just sounds like some serious STD is going on. [laughing] Ok, ok… Tyler’s just a kid. [grin]

      Hip hop, like you say, was defeated by its own commercial success. The Devil is tricky like that…

      And, yeah, you work too hard!

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