I find it difficult to be honest. Do you find honesty difficult too?

A line from here to happiness

by Stan Faryna

Stan Faryna

Among the other things that I wrote in my comment to Jack Steiner’s blog post, It is not a midlife crisis:

It’s a sumbich that honesty doesn’t flow like a river from my heart. You’re lucky if you don’t have the same problem as I do. I have to bring it one bucket at a time. Actually, it’s more like bringing it with an empty Coca-Cola bottle – the plastic half liter bottle. Filling it takes time. I have to sink it down into the river. And the pouring – it takes time too. 

One trip to the river never does it. I made three trips for that paragraph. Just so you know. And I have edited it once.

Claude Debussy, Reverie

The difficulty for me is in the test of patience, persistance, and silence. Letting truth speak for itself. This takes time. Like waiting for the water to warm up for a steaming cup of Harrod’s Earl Grey No. 42.

It took me, maybe, ten minutes to write that paragraph in blue. And I have to wonder now – does it drink good?

Does it hold you in the loving embrace of truth?

Billy Delaney’s blog post, Dancing With The Scares, is the next step on this grassy path that Jack has started me up…

Billy reminds us of Rudyard Kipling’s poem, If. And of the reward that Kipling would give to his son – if he could.

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it…

I wonder right now what counsel I have for my son – beyond my hope that he’ll one day go to college, discover a homeland in virtue (natural and supernatural), and walk in beauty. Would it be different than what I have to give you? Listening and reading my last words again. I believe that I have said there all that I have to say. To you. Yo my son. Honestly.

In fact, I find myself returning to these words (again and again) when honesty wants to elude me.

I am no Kipling. That’s for sure. I am myself and Rudyard Kipling is a man with more imagination than I shall ever be held by. Perhaps.

Stan Faryna
04 May 2012
Bucharest, Romania

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9 Responses to I find it difficult to be honest. Do you find honesty difficult too?

  1. I’d call the media and tell them I was going to be dying tomorrow. Would they like to come and watch the next 24 hours. If they came they could document my words. If they didn’t I would!
    I would talk in online via video, record and state what it was like to be me.
    I would let my loved and loving family, friends and influencers know the soul of me, in all the light of day.
    I’d be me. I don’t think I would sleep. I’d be too excited. Death is not the end for me, there is more…

  2. I have definite ideas about what I would do, but whether I would do them is a different story altogether.

  3. Mark Chapman says:

    I think this quote is true to live and true of myself at times. We as people don’t like seeing truthfully into ourselves and seeing the evil that lies within. It’s easier to point the finger than to examine ourselves. So, yeah, nice paragraph. Instead of ‘sumabich’ maybe use ‘It’s a chronic illness’. Just an idea, maybe you could tying in the idea of generosity with honesty: ‘I’m miserly with my honesty these days. I don’t know who to trust, so I give it out sparingly.’ Hopefully that will jog your flow of ideas.

    Write on. :D

    • Stan Faryna says:

      Strong, poignant and valuable suggestions, Mark.

      Chronic illness. Generosity. Miserly with my honesty.

      You’re doing more than jogging, Mark. You are inspiring!

      It’s nice to meet you.

  4. The most important part of honesty Stan is being true to yourself. Honest inside. YOU KNOW the truth. If you’re an open book like me – fine – but more important is that you don’t ignore the truth inside. I struggle all the time with that, but think I’m winning at the present…

    • Stan Faryna says:

      We all struggle with it. Some more than others. Some more successfully than others. One of the things I like about you, Bruce, is that you share your struggle with others – in a good way.

Speak from your heart!

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