Love and Acceptance. And Other Social Media DOHs

Conversations with a Vampire Hunter (alternate title)

by Stan Faryna

Stan Faryna

Elbow, Everthere

You know what’s hard for me to admit?

That I want to be loved and accepted.

The problem is that love and acceptance are NOT unconditional. Love and acceptance comes with expectations, obligations and responsibilities.

It’s how it works. This is a law. Just like gravity. Ignore it at your own peril, disappointment and self-defeat.

But don’t get mad at me for pointing out the elephant in the room.

Just like you, I often find the burden of that vector to be difficult, frustrating, exhausting and problematic.

Because I want to be loved and accepted for what makes me happy.

Just like you, I want to be loved and accepted without all that seemingly self-compromising consideration, opinion, and necessity of others.

Just like yours, my own idic legalese, however, contradicts (often) that intimate, inseparable and unavoidable nature of love and responsibility.

This selfish and naive expectation, however, cannot ever overcome the truth that we are here for each other as much as (if not more than) for ourselves.

Because this world is a world of we – not a world of my ways (Sorry Mr. Sinatra!), gimme’s and gotta be me’s.

That’s why it is so frelling hard to admit.

That I do want to be loved and accepted.

Because we know (without a doubt), that love is inseparable from responsibility and, worse, it is inseparable from the expectations, opinions and necessities of others.


Every man is said to have his peculiar ambition. Whether it be true or not, I can say for one that I have no other so great as that of being truly esteemed of my fellow men, by rendering myself worthy of their esteem.

Abraham Lincoln


Stan Faryna
16 September 2012
Bucharest, Romania

6 Responses to Love and Acceptance. And Other Social Media DOHs

  1. rdopping says:

    Sta, love the Elbow. I have Starlings. Great album (if that’s what we call it these days). The rest? Well I suppose you are right. It IS work.

    • Stan Faryna says:

      I just found out about the Elbow and I’m glad I finally did. You’re right Ralph, true love ain’t just a fuzzy feeling. Nor is acceptance.

  2. Betsy Cross says:

    I’m going to disagree. Surprise, surprise! Love has to be unconditional to be called love. But relationships are a different thing altogether. They are where conditions, responsibilities, and expectations are made and practiced.
    The journey to unconditional love within relationships can be fraught with challenges to overcome communication and connection problems, But even with those problems there can be unconditional love., even when the relationship falls apart.
    I’ve seen this time and again in my life and relationships.
    BNut maybe I’m missing something?

  3. lillymaytree says:

    I believe the answer lies in the definition of love, itself. As well as the term unconditional. Taking the easy one, first, unconditional means: without conditions. No conditions. None. True love is not “without” conditions, it is “above” them.

    If you truly love someone, such as a child, or your perfect match (should you be blessed enough to find one of those), spending time with, protecting, and providing for them, becomes your first joy in life. Not an obligation. They become — like sunrise after a cold night — your own greatest desire. And it is the nature of love that once you “enter its realm” it is no longer difficult to do these things. In fact, you discover amazing satisfaction in sharing your “territory” with others, and that doing so actually expands your own, instead of diminishing it. What’s more, it strengthens and “fuels” you with the vital energy it takes to continue to live in that exponentially expanding place. Something that leads to to being accepted (in all realms) as more of a person, not less of one.

    It is similar to the laws of physics. For example, while it is a proven fact that nothing heavier than air can fly, the principles of jet propulsion supersede that fact. Both these laws are right when operating within their respective realms. There is no right or wrong to either of them, just different outcomes in different situations.

    In the same way, true love is a passport to a realm that supersedes all others. And while there are many counterfeits to it in the lower ones, they are merely outward actions that the physical body and “un-fueled heart” soon run dry on. So, the question then becomes not “What are the conditions?” but rather, “How does one cross over into that realm, to obtain such heart-sustaining fuel?” More importantly, if it can only be had from true love, how does one connect with that particular source to begin with?

    Which is another subject, altogether.

    Thought-provoking post, Stan. Which seems to be more difficult to communicate, these days — not because of the message — but simply because of all the mindless information that insulates us from connecting with each other in the first place.

  4. Stan Faryna says:

    I lost internet connection due to some street repairs. Back on and much catch up to do. Nonetheless, I will reply as soon as possible.

  5. I thought your hiatus would tell you that you were missed and thus loved and thus accepted? Indeed. You were, you are.

Speak from your heart!

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