Shana Tova or bust. And other social media DOHs

Shana Tova or bust. And other social media DOHs

by Stan Faryna

Stan Faryna

Elbow, Weather to Fly

I have friends who are celebrating the Jewish New Year – Rosh Hashanah. Among the traditions practiced is an examination of conscience. There is also the practice of forgiveness.

I’m not Jewish but forgiveness is a can of worms I know something about. Or, at least, I’d like to think I do.

Forgiveness is a sumbitch as Mr. Dorman might say. Because as much good will and want of peace in me, I find it a challenge to truly forgive others for the wrongs they have done me. And all the rights that they should have done but were, ultimately, things that never even crossed their mind.

Friendship, indeed, is a virtue which few own – myself included. My own failures never measure up to my aspirations for that virtue. And I do lament it on occasion.

Like I said, the economics of forgiveness is a can of worms.

A five gallon can. Or bigger.

Asking for forgiveness? Not so hard. Not for me. Though I know many who are reluctant to ask.

Perhaps, those who are reluctant to ask for forgiveness sense that there is a certain responsibility that one must own when asking another for forgiveness – a responsibility to change one’s behavior and get one’s head out of their ass.

Perhaps, a responsibility to serve, to give of oneself, and, yes, to uplift others – a responsibility that looks like a 500 lb. Gorilla.


Who wants to carry a 500 lb. Gorilla on their back?!

But some will walk by the mirror and see that truly it’s not a Gorilla breaking their back, but wings that tug and pull us upward. To the heavens. To flight.

The heavier those wings feel and the harder they may tug at your shoulders, the higher you and I shall fly.

Just sayin’

Stan Faryna
21 September 2012
Bucharest, Romania

5 Responses to Shana Tova or bust. And other social media DOHs

  1. Betsy Cross says:

    This is a hard one…

    I figure that if someone has done something to damage the relationship, their awareness of their actions comes before anything else. Even if I point something out to them, they may see what they’ve done as harmless, and be able to justify their behavior backwards and forward without being willing to admit to the pain or problems they’ve created.

    So, since I can’t count on being heard or understood, I let it go, assuming that the relationship was different than I’d thought, and will cease to thrive.

    There is a weight, a burden that comes with expecting someone to ask for forgiveness. I refuse to carry a burden that belongs to somebody else unless they are willing to share it.

    Good post, Stan. Lots to think about!

    • Stan Faryna says:

      Today, I contemplate how I fail to uplift others. To be there. To be present in the lives of those whose names are written in my heart. To encourage, to bless, and to be a gift.

      It’s not much. It’s not much to just contemplate the problem, but I struggle to move forward from the regret and prayer to action.

      God help me to a better man. And a better friend.

  2. Sumbich, you speak the truth……….just sayin’………

    Oh, I suppose there are some things that just aren’t forgivable, or at least perceived to be. However, it still means you are holding on to that burden, not them.

    It doesn’t make you feel any better at times, but it’s best just to find a way to move beyond it.

    Deep indeed and not a simple solution.

    • Stan Faryna says:

      You are right, Bill. When we cant let go, there is a 500 lb. Gorilla on our back.

      But I am also absolutely certain that even if I ignore the burden of the harm that I have caused to others, it fuels and feeds a darkness in me that drags me down and, worse, it multiplies my own pain, sorrow and confusion.


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