Recap: Do you communicate or spam? @BruceSallan @SmartBoyDesigns @chattyprof #DadChat

June 4, 2012

Are you on the same page? With whom?

That’s what effective communication is all about, right? 

The only way to solve our problems is to work together with others (family, friends, colleagues, and, sometimes, strangers). Little problems or big. That’s how it is. We have to build consensus about the facts and the goals. We have to make decisions about the best use of commonly accepted facts and resources. In other words, the bottom line is effective communication. Without it, we ain’t getting anywhere.

Not you. Not me. No one.

Note: This #DadChat RECAP appeared last week on Bruce Sallan’s blog.

Simon & Garfunkel, Bridge Over Troubled Water

That’s what people were talking about in Bruce Sallan’s DadChat with Professor Ellen Bremen (@chattyprof) and Christian Hollingsworth (@SmartBoyDesigns). Here’s the three big questions that the awesome people of DadChat considered:

What is effective communication?

How do we get on the same page?

What gets in the way of us hearing what each other has to say?

The transcript of this #dadchat is here:

Join the fun! Log-in to #dadchat every Thursday night at 6pm PST:

Snips and Bites from the #DadChat

The tweets listed below only represent a fraction of the chat and participants. See the transcript for the complete record of this mind-blowing chat.

What is effective communication?

Stan Faryna (@Faryna):

What is effective communication?

Ellen Bremen (@chattyprof):

When both sender and receiver “get it” 🙂

Angie Mozilo (@azmomofmanyhats):

Communication makes existing living.

Brad Marmo (@readbradthedad):

I was a Communications major in college, does that count?

Kenna Griffin (@profkrg):

I teach in a Mass Comm program!

Allana Prat (@allanapratt)

I think we teach what we’re meant to learn! I love intimacy- with my beloved, myself, my son, w/nature,a daily practice.

Chris (@CanadianDadBlog):

Bah! Work emergency, I have to bail tonight, sorry! I hope to catch up on the transcript later. Thanks! Have fun!

Bruce Sallan (@BruceSallan):

Anyone read the Five Languages of Love? THAT helped define things for my wife and me!

Stan Faryna (@Faryna):

Karen Horney’s The Feminine Psychology was my wake up call. That was 20+ years ago.

Greg Laycock (@GregLaycock)

It’s super hard for a single dad, but what I’ve learned is that you need to have 1-on-1 chatting time with each child, and often.

Brad Marmo (@readbradthedad):

I give single parents mad props. Can’t even imagine.

Aaron Kilby (@kilby76)

Me, me me… LOL RT @BruceSallan So, who thinks they communicate better with their kids or their spouse?

Sonya (@Sonya_LeanOnUs)

If it’s personal stuff my son always comes to me.

Christian Hollingsworth (@SmartBoyDesigns):

Rather ironic. Logged in tonight to chat about effective communication. Twitter not being so effective. All I can do is let it be.

Jack (@MunkayJacked):

I believe the best way for communication to work is when you have a thirst for knowledge. Soak up information like a sponge.

How do we get on the same page?

Christian Hollingsworth (@SmartBoyDesigns):

If you make listening and observation your occupation you will gain much more than you can by talk. – Robert Baden-Powell

Angie Mozilo (@azmomofmanyhats):

Listening is the first step in effective communication!

Bridget Heckman (@theluxcrystal)

I think when your child talks to you, listen-really listen and make eye contact.#theymatter 

Stan Faryna (@Faryna):

Great Book on Listening by Mortimer Adler > How to Speak. How to Listen 

Russell Bonchu (@squirleywrath):

I just took a boy scout training called #woodbadge, which deals a lot with active & empathetic listening, among other things

Christian Hollingsworth (@SmartBoyDesigns):

If it wasn’t for my Mom, I would be nothing. Her communication skills are superb.

Bento Leal (@empathy4life):

Empathic listening helps with my 3 adult children and 2 sons in law

Allana Prat (@allanapratt):

@faryna I like to stop talking to myself and in the silence see what arises, or just be OK not knowing and being…

Bruce Sallan (@BruceSallan):

HOW do you turn off talking to yourself?

Ellen Bremen (@chattyprof):

I teach my students about paraphrasing: Repeating what the other person says in your own words

@smartboydesigns posted about a form of listening today: Asking questions 🙂

Carolyn Nicander Mohr (@wonderoftech):

Listening tip: paraphrase what the person is saying to make sure you’re understanding the message.

Jack (@MunkayJacked):

Another tip. Don’t be afraid to ask questions if you don’t understand.

Christian Hollingsworth (@SmartBoyDesigns):

I need to hear these [listening tips]. I’m not always the best at listening.

Dr. Santhan Reddy (@drsanthan):

Paraphrasing helps to understand the facts. Try and validate the feeling too. You may be feeling _____.

Allana Prat (@allanapratt):

My son loves that I don’t multitask- I focus right on him or say hang on while I finish up- never pretend to listen

What gets in the way of us hearing what each other has to say?

Bruce Sallan (@BruceSallan):

Hmmm, the question is not OUR listening to our kids but THEY listening to US!? Don’t you think?

Allana Prat (@allanapratt):

What speaks louder than words?

Jack (@MunkayJacked):


Mimi Baker (@MimiBakerMN):

Absolutely true! RT @MunkayJacked: Actions @allanapratt: What speaks louder than words?

Ellen Bremen (@chattyprof):

So true… we pay attention to the nonverbals about 95% over the verbals.

Russell Bonchu (@squirleywrath):


Christian Hollingsworth (@SmartBoyDesigns):

I know I ALWAYS learn more from example than words.

Ellen Bremen (@chattyprof):

I remember Oprah saying about Maya Angelou that our kids respond to our reaction when they walk in a room

Dr. Santhan Reddy (@drsanthan):

True. When my 1 year old falls, she searches for my reaction, before she decides to cry

Allana Prat (@allanapratt):

I have trouble listening to when to slow down, trust, let go.

Jack (@MunkayJacked):

S/times we can’t listen cause we don’t understand what is said or hear what is being communicated. We hear facts but miss meaning

Cupcake Cuties (@CupcakeCutieKit):

Yes me too!!! @allanapratt: @brucesallan I have trouble listening to when to slow down, trust, let go.

Jack (@MunkayJacked):

Ha ha, it’s the selective hearing we all have! @CrossBetsy: My son had to move out before he admitted he heard evrything I said

Stan Faryna (@Faryna):

You’re shining @MunkayJacked! Shining bright.

Bruce Sallan (@BruceSallan):

We each have diff languages of love and learning to “speak” the others is the challenge!

Vincent Daly (@CuteMonsterDad):

A lot of the lack of communication between spouses is rooted in insecurity or fear. Easier to blame than to be vulnerable.

Allana Prat (@allanapratt):

I have a HARD time “receiving” judgment!

Randy Thio (@ideabloke):

Isn’t it funny how the act of trying to avoid an argument only fuels it further?!

Related Blog Posts

How to Communicate That You’ve Changed Your Mind by Ellen Bremen

A Dad’s Letter to His 18-Year-Old Son (Better Men Blog)

How much time do you spend commenting on blogs? by Christian Hollingsworth

Changing Your Grip by Scott Hanley

Ten Elementary Differences Between Men and Women, Part One by Bruce Sallan

The First Duty of Love is to Listen by Stan Faryna

You Are My Sunshine by Carolyn Nicander Mohr

Related Books

How to Speak. How to Listen by Mortimer Adler

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Faber and Mazlish

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That lasts by Gary Chapman

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray

Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin


Stan Faryna

An American living in Bucharest, Romania, Stan Faryna searches for better questions about who we are, what we’re doing, and how we shall better know ourselves and love others. He hopes for answers that fill the heart, lift it up, and substantiate the dignity of the human person.

Stan’s Unofficial Blog
Twitter: @Faryna
Faryna on Facebook


They Made The NYT Best Blog List: @TheJackB, @StartYourNovel and @SmartBoyDesigns

April 19, 2012

They Made The NYT Best Blog List: @TheJackB, @StartYourNovel and @SmartBoyDesigns

by Stan Faryna

Stan Faryna

The NYT Best Blog List is widely considered the preeminent list of blogs everywhere. Published weekly, the list is based on weekly reader reports from independent, online search and analytics. Readership measurement includes key signals in a given week: number of readers, time spent reading, mentions, reach, and other factors believed to reflect a blog’s currency. The list includes 100 categories including popular genres such as daddy bloggers, fiction and social media.

Gramatik, Dream BIG

Read the rest of this entry »

Judgment Day

December 31, 2011

Judgment Day

by Stan Faryna

Stan Faryna

Christian Hollingsworth

I’ve been trying to write a blog post to wrap up the year. It’s not coming easily to the keyboard. My mind is distracted by pain. I am surrounded by it in a manner of speaking. My stomach, my bowels, my back, my legs, etcetera. I have several challenges to overcome and my recovery from salmonella is slower than I like.

The one human being that stands out this year. The one man that stands above all others for me. The one young man this year for which I am most grateful of another’s service to me is Christian Hollingsworth. His Week of Faryna rocked my world, his very generous donation to Nisha’s water project rocked my heart, and his personal card of encouragement that I received by post -it lifted me up.

Not because the Week of Faryna is fresh on my list of people and things for which I am grateful!

The timing, however, is perfect. Because it was a difficult year set with many challenges and, yes, even traps and petty conspiracies. Nonetheless, it is good to end the year overwhelmed with gratitude. Read the rest of this entry »

Blog Soup 2011.11.11 Veterans, Epic Expectations, and Gnashing of Teeth

November 11, 2011

Blog Soup

by Stan Faryna

Stan Faryna

Blog Soup 2011.11.11 Veterans, Epic Expectations, and Gnashing of Teeth

Is there no end to the despair of social media! How many more will end their lives because their last best hope, social media, fails to change their material condition? How many deaths did not make it back to us as news?

And writing this, I know, that a blog post and a brief message will not deter anyone who searches to end their misery – once and for all. Pain is a test, a blessing, an oppressor, a teacher, and a tyrant – what it is to you depends upon your response. Your response depends entirely upon the things and people that are written upon your heart.

Today, I honor the men and women of our armed services who have given their lives, partly or wholly, for our nation. Regardless of whether their orders were right or wrong, they gave of themselves in service, duty, and discipline. That giving is to be honored. It is right and just to honor our veterans – those lost and those living.

When our veterans served us, they believed with all their hearts that there is more to life than wealth, fame, and power.

A tribute to our troops! This is not an endorsement of Oliver North.

If the bottom line for you is wealth, fame, and power – I grieve for you with all my heart.

There are greater things than these and the greatest of these is love.

But love must be fought for. Fight for love as if your life depended on it. Because in a very deep sense, your life and the lives of those written upon your heart, in fact, depends on it.

Read the rest of this entry »

Blog Soup 2011.11.09 Online Community, Reputation, and Great Expectations

November 9, 2011

Blog Soup

by Stan Faryna

Stan Faryna

Blog Soup 2011.11.09. Online Community, Reputation, and Great Expectations

I intend to write pithy, poignant comments that may help you truly rediscover yourself through the blog posts of friends and strangers. In terms of your journey of self discovery, the destinations are not as important as is your own personal negotiation of the questions, answers, and confusions which you may discover by following a link, reading a blog post, poring over comments, and making a comment. On the other hand, this is our community and, yes, community is all about our commitment to the community, conversations, consensus, disagreement, participation, and, yes, to each other.

I will fail often in this endeavor, but I can, as Booker T. Washington said, keep on keeping on. Will you humor me?

I read a lot of blogs. Maybe, too many. I comment on a lot of blog posts. Maybe, too many. If you are a Triberrati, you do too.

A Triberrati is a blogger that stands out in the Triberr community. Triberr is a web app that connects bloggers and helps them to curate each other on Twitter. You can learn all about Triberr by reading any of the following posts about it.

1. Nicole Humphrey Cook, The Idiots Guide to Triberr Tutorial

2. Yomar LopezHow Triberr Changes The Competitive Landscape

3. Neicole CrepeauFriday Fives: Tips For Using Triberr

Gary Portnoy, Where everybody knows your name (Cheers theme song)


Writes C.S. Lewis in the Abolition of Man:

And all the time—such is the tragi-comedy of our situation—we continue to clamour for those very qualities we are rendering impossible. You can hardly open a periodical without coming across the statement that what our civilization needs is more ‘drive,’ or dynamism, or self-sacrifice, or ‘creativity.’ In a sort of ghastly simplicity we remove the organ and demand the function. We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honour and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and bid the geldings be fruitful


Blog posts that are commented on in this Blog Soup:

1. My 7 Links: The Rules by Katie

2. Taking Action to Improve the Hustle: One Thing at a Time by JK Allen

3. The Myth of Privacy Online by Ameena Falchetto

4. The immiseration of the digital creative class by Freddie deBoer

5. This Is Why I Disabled My Klout Account by Robert Dempsey

6. I was Caught on Comments! by Christian Hollingsworth

7. Real World Experience vs. School Education by Harrison Kratz

Klaus Nomi, Dido’s Lament

Blog Soup

Just some of the blogs that I recently commented on:

1. My 7 Links: The Rules by Katie

The Tripbase travel blog is “for passionate travelers across the globe – whether you’re an eternal nomad or a flash-packer – if you love to travel then this blog is for you.”

Things has <sic> been slow, so Katie came up with a cute idea to build a community around the Tripbase travel blog: My 7 Links.

My 7 Links attempts to “unite bloggers (from all sectors) in a joint endeavor to share lessons learned and create a bank of long but not forgotten blog posts that deserve to see the light of day again.”

My comment:

I just learned about it at Eugene Farber’s blog, Reality Burst. But I was really surprised to hear that Paul Wolfe is doing it too. Now that I think of it, I had seen Paul Wolfe’s post, but it didn’t do anything for me at the time. Or maybe I was just put out because no one nominated me. [grin]

Ok, I’m not loveable. Interesting, memorable, and awe-inspiring at times. But not loveable. I get it. [cry]

The hook of My 7 Links is the opportunity for self-promotion without feeling dirty about it. Few have the nerve and fearsome disposition of Jack Steiner for community.

If you’ve been nominated by someone else for the 7 links, it would be careless and rude to not play along. Now you can resurrect some of your old content. And you have a blog post. And you threw a bone to some of your bloggers compatriots by recommending them. Good stuff! Clever. Phew! That was easy.

Suddenly, I’m writing this how Jack really wants to write it. And that’s scary! Because even Jack, the greatest dad blogger of them all, doesn’t go here! Perhaps, that’s why I’m unloveable. Because I can be an asshole despite all of my deep want to be a kind, humble, and inspirational no-lister.

Just a second…

My GF just messaged me that she loves me. I have five seconds to make the proper reply with a smiley face or Wold War 3 is on. And no one wants that!

Where were we?

Is the My 7 links thing going to build a community for the Tripbase Travel blog? Did Katie make an honest effort of it? Was it a meaningful tactic?

All three answers have nothing to do with what the bloggers participating in My 7 Links got out of it.

You can guess my answer.

And, yes, your answer is relevant to you. Because your answer and the insight that fuels your answer will determine whether or not you are capable of succeeding in business or your online strategy. Class dismissed.


I like Eugene Farber, Paul Wolfe, and Jack Steiner – if it wasn’t obvious. And I read their blogs every chance I get to do so.

2. Taking Action to Improve the Hustle: One Thing at a Time by JK Allen

JK was inspired by reading Rob White’s blog post, Atomic Action.

My comment:

Writes Rob White:

Michelangelo experienced Atomic Action while painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling.

I experience it when making chocolate chip cookies. I mix the batter, and shape the cookies, and toss them in the oven with a total feeling of completion with each action.

Rob White explains Atomic Action like this:

We are Whole Minded, and fresh and ready for the present moment when we let go of our failures and incompletions of the past. Atomic Action is a consequence of Whole Mindedness. Every level of the mind is focused on the action in the moment, and the result is incredible.


I’d like to point out that Michelangelo (whose work I can consider to be wonderful and inspiring) didn’t paint the Sistine Chapel ceiling alone. He had apprentices and servants to do most of the actual painting.

Where was I?

In his comment to Rob White’s blog post, JK concludes:

I don’t want my life to be based on past failures. I want my life to be based on unlimited successes. I’m willing to do what I have to do to make this my reality. I’ll begin with taking your advice seriously (the steps and the tips).

And JK is not alone. Brian Driggs, a Fortune 500 knowledge manager, for example, related to JK in his comment.

Rob even gets excited about JK’s comment:

WOW, you really added dimension to this post. I recommend that everyone read your comment and consider it part of the post. You offered another prime reason why so many folks fail to act with atomic energy; the reason is that they multi-task. You cannot be in the present, giving 100% of your energy to what you are doing, when you assign your mind several projects to attend at the same time. NICE. NICE. NICE. Thank you

Back to JK’s post.

In JK’s blog post, I read seven challenges to JK getting out of inaction. JK lists most of them himself. The last two are my observations.

1. JK keeps busy because he feels that busy has inherent and implicit value
2. JK feels that being extraordinary is about moving and making noise
3. The number of tasks that JK is engaged in relates to his understanding of how fast he is moving and how much noise he is making
4. The fear and disappointment of past failures pushes JK to apply even more madness
5. Priority, value, and patience are undeveloped and under-employed in JK’s game plan
6. JK is overwhelmed by his need to prove himself to himself amidst much present self-disappointment and failure in his now
7. JK needs to focus on accomplishing things that JK unquestionably recognizes as immediately meaningful and self-affirming

Do you face the same challenges to your reputation?

What I can write with full confidence is that JK’s self-honesty is a golden key to self understanding and, possibly, a beautiful life. And I think JK knows it too.

As John Sherry writes in his comment to JK, I second it:

Go for the burn, JK!

3. The Myth of Privacy Online by Ameena Falchetto

Writes Ameena:

There is no such thing as a FREE lunch. If you are not paying for a service or a product then YOU are the PRODUCT not the customer.

My comment:

I want to agree with Ameena. But to do so would be sinister and insensitive. Or, in C.S. Lewis’ words: without chest.

Klout’s use of information of people who are not subscribed to Klout or who do not want to be on Klout is an interesting problematic that will or won’t be settled in court (or outside the courtroom). If I had that kind of problem with Klout, I would try to resolve it as Robert Dempsey is trying to do. [grin] If that failed, I would sue them, lobby the state procsecutor, and write a few blog posts like this or this.

But there ain’t much to do after that. Not without community action.

Michelle Garrett gives good advice in her comment. And I love that Brian Driggs quotes Uncle Ben a la Spiderman:

With great power comes great responsibility.

4. The immiseration of the digital creative class by Freddie deBoer

Vast, life-altering consequences of the internet have been anticipated by online evangelists. It’s been going on since the 90s. And the same anticipation continues to fuel the great expectations of those just piling into the intertubes. But what is more interesting to Freddie is that the internet is a resentment machine – especially for “culturally savvy tastemakers who exert such disproportionate influence over online experience.”

Writes Freddie:

No achievement, no effort, no relationship can exist as an end in itself.

My comment:

Allow me to repeat Freddy’s revelation about what’s wrong with the internet and social media in general:

No achievement, no effort, no relationship can exist as an end in itself.

But even Freddy does not understand the importance of what he has written. Because he is unfortunately and mistakenly dedicated to his outdated Post Neo-Marxist nuptial vows. Just as Freddie is dedicated to an irrelevant, incoherent, and anachronistic metaphor about the Trans Am – a car that hasn’t been cool for at least 25 years.

There is no substitute for a Porsche, Freddie deBoer. Almost. The exception, of course, is a Ferrari.

I would deconstruct most of Freddy’s metaphors similarly and expose him for the Rip Van Winkle that he is (as are all Post Neo-Marxist Survivalists), but that would be merely good sport and blog soup is not a sporting event – though several of my friends wish it were and they denounce my positivity often, especially when they know I am capable of profound psychological insights that leave the victim raped of their intimate-most dignity.

I prefer to be a kinder and gentler critic.

The Budweiser Clydesdales honoring the loss of the people and towers of 9-11 is 10 years old, for example, and Freddy would not have mentioned it – if it had not brought unbid tears in his eye.

Or Freddy is a man without chest a la C.S. Lewis.

I love that commercial! It brought tears to my eyes. It makes me feel strongly.

Because I am an American. Because I am reminded that there is something about America which is worthy of my honor, admiration, and my highest hopes. And I appreciate the Budweiser people for strongly feeling the same way and sharing their strong feeling with me in solidarity.

Oh – did I mention that I am not a Budweiser customer. And Budweiser’s intention, I will argue, was to express their solidarity in sorrow, pride, and hope with their fellow Americans and not to loudly recommend their reputation. Disagreement on this point, of couse, is nothing less than fighting words. [grin]

Freddie deBoer is wrong in his presumption that the internet writ large is desperately invested in the idea that liking #ows, #occupyklout, farmville, or mafia wars, for example, says something of depth and importance about the liker. Freddie is again mistaken that likes, Googley plus one, Stumbles, etc. distinguish us from one another. In fact, these ridiculous disclaimers of identity are made to demonstrate similarity, common ground, and membership.

Everyone in social media, realizes that a “like” is nothing more than a ridiculous disclaimer. So much so that no one actually dedicates serious attention to exercising judgment when they do happen to like things, people, or even their friend’s comments. Were it as Freddie imagined, they would be a lot more poking, liking, etc. going on. And Freddie’s Klout score might actually begin to be meaningful.

Oh – Freddy doesn’t know about Klout yet. Or that, ding dong, the wicked witch is dead. Just give Freddy five years to figure what what the heck I’ve just written here.

Freddy isn’t all wrong, however.

Just as he is not completely right about anything in particular. Freddy’s failure of insight is a symptom of being an alienated outsider, his failure to contribute to an online community as a member and as a person, AND his self-enslavement to an academic, self-absorbed arrogance – a self-deception by which he himself attempts to distinguish himself from the unwashed users of the internet. This is a typical problematization (a la Foucault) of the Post Neo-Marxist Survivalist.

What Freddie deBoer is right about:

1. Criticism (rant) is rampant not as a means to solve problems, but as an art of self-expression. But the paradox is that the resistance to criticism, negativity, and strong feelings is equally rampant.

2. Pettiness is glamorized in aesthetic taste. Bit Rebels is a fine example for this criticism but even Freddie has no clue about Bit Rebels. And, again, the paradox: as wildly trafficked as Bit Rebels is, almost no one feels compelled to comment – despite the SEO opportunity of doing so.

Note: Yomar Lopez, Robert Dempsey, and … can explain SEO to you, Freddie.

3. Indiscriminate information consumption is neither creative, empowering, nor does it serve the winning, the succeeding, and the bagging of the bacon. The paradox of consumption is that people actually connect through comments, tweets, and chats about the silliest of things. Online communities are rising out of the shared experience of failure.

Freddie is unable to appreciate the paradoxes, however. Because he lacks the depth of the online experience that is shared by those for whom he has much contempt.

This has been an awfully long comment! Hasn’t it!? I know!

Some of you may be wondering why I didn’t write a separate blog post about Freddie deBoer, but it would be to my competitive disadvantage to reveal those kind of secrets about blog soup. [laughing]

I will admit, however, this comment was originally the first comment in today’s blog post and I moved it to the fourth spot just in case it’s length was so discouraging that you might give up and move on to somewhere else.

Anyway, the finish line to this comment is just a few paragraphs away.

At the start of my comment, I observed Freddy’s revelation about what’s wrong with the internet and social media in general:

No achievement, no effort, no relationship can exist as an end in itself.

If I was a profoundly cyncial man, I would have observed that Klout may have been the last nail in the coffin. Lucky for us, we yanked that nail out and tossed Klout back to the neck-deep shit pond in hell from which it was spawned. Even former champions of Klout are unsually quiet about Klout – some of whom I like despite their delusions of grandeur which they mistakenly hitched to the falling star called Klout.

Ville Kilkku’s photo with his Klout score is especially revealing about his former great expectations.

Klout has exploited our desperate need for a competitive pecking order, for the opportunity for pull ourselves up in that pecking order by our own bootstraps, and the opportunity to be loved, cherished, and honored for ourselves.

The tragedy which Freddy will not get is that true love, caring, and honor can not be gamed or won. They are the consequences of virtue – virtue a la Aristotle and Aquinas, for which Freddy also has contempt.

5. This Is Why I Disabled My Klout Account by Robert Dempsey

Robert Dempsey details the many problems of Klout as a concept and a service.

My comment:

Fed up with Klout? Robert provides links and instructions to quit Klout from Kat Caverly and Martijn Linnssen.

I really like how Robert boils down the abolition of humanity that fuels Klout. Hopefully, it is the undoing of Klout as Robert prays:

Mass is an outdated and dying notion. Quality and meaningful interactions is the future. If the Occupy Wall Street movement, Middle East rebellions against dictatorships, and protests around Europe have showed us anything, it’s that people want change, and are coming together to help make it happen. And there are people that are very much fighting against that change, be it with words or with force.

What that change will look like is anyone’s guess, but this much is clear – people do want change.

Klout is not change. Klout is more of the same – the same outdated and dying notion of mass.

ALSO, I loved what Jacqueline Zimowski (Founder of No Human Trafficking) wrote in her comment to Robert:

Never have I been so grateful to work with human slaves against human masters, instead of technological masters forging chains humans put on themselves.

Like Jacqueline, I too ponder something wicked this way coming in Klout. For I am reminded of C.S. Lewis’s warning in The Abolition of Man:

For the power of Man to make himself what he pleases means, as we have seen, the power of some men to make other men what they please.

6. I was Caught on Comments! by Christian Hollingsworth

Years ago, Christian used to use sock puppets to beef up comments. This was before Gravatars. Some of those comments are still out there but the kicker is that Christian’s Gravatar now shows up across all the comments of his sock puppets.

My comment:

Love your confession, Christian! And this post is the best way to deal with it. If someone ever calls you out on it, you’ll just slap this link down like a gauntlet, wink, and say, it’s been covered.

What I didn’t write:

I’m guilty too, Christian. I voted for my own podcast which Betsy Cross nominated for Arment Dietrich’s Top 25 Social Media Wins and Gaffes You’ve Never Heard Of.

Please vote for me so I know that my vote wasn’t the only vote. [grin] Vote here!

But wait, there’s more!

Just after publishing today’s blog soup, I found myself in an unfortunate misunderstanding with John Falchetto. I tweeted out the usual mentions for blog soup, but this one pissed off John:

Blog Soup 2011.11.09 Community, Reputation, etc. Featured Blogger: @ameenafalchetto #sexy #intelligent #privacy

John responded:

@faryna Sexy? uh? Do you know @ameenafalchetto ? Do you think it’s appropriate?

I read Ameena’s blog. Personally, I think it’s appropriate for me to comment on her and her blog posts. It is in the public domain. But I was hoping to demonstrate my naive and friendly intention so I responded in a friendly manner:

@JohnFalchetto Intelligence is very sexy. [grin]

John lost his cool. OMG! He went for the ad hominem attack. He responded:

@faryna How old are you? I’m not grinning, tweeting that you find @AmeenaFalchetto sexy is insulting, learn the meaning of words in English

I’m pretty sure that I understood some American English [grin], but I did check Google. The top result for my search for the definition of sexy was this:

1. Arousing or tending to arouse sexual desire or interest

2. SLANG Highly appealing or interesting

I hoped to cool things down, but failed with my response:

@JohnFalchetto When was a compliment inappropriate? Email me your concern.

At moments like these 140 characters is completely inadequate! This sucked! For me! For the Falchettos!

John was only seeing through angry eyes, because he responded with contempt and more ad hominem attack:

@faryna Do you know @AmeenaFalchetto ? It’s not a compliment and it says a lot about the kind of person you are, buy a dictionary

A few more exchanges and I tried to close the tweet out with this:

@JohnFalchetto If it was a serious concern, a polite email would have gotten a prompt delete.

Obviously, I didn’t intend to provoke John or Ameena as it happened to be. But I have to say that John and Ameena responded to their concern about my tweet in an unprofessional and unsaavy manner for social media experts.

Going behind my back on Facebook and attempting to rustle up a lynch party without any interest of resolving the misunderstanding sucks more for the Falchettos. I am told that there will be blog posts. And that Betsy’s defense was deleted from the conversation.

Of course, yes, I sucked too. And my poor attempt to resolve the conflict in a mature manner was rejected. [sigh]

One positive that could result from this is that maybe Ameena will reconsider her unflinching position about Klout and online reputation. Because you can’t control what others say about you online – well-intended or otherwise.

This video is my light-hearted peace offering to the Falchettos:

7. Real World Experience vs. School Education by Harrison Kratz

This blog post is not about whether or not formal education is relevant. That’s what young Harrison Kratz says. But then he mixes his message like a flaming cocktail at a frat party.

Initially, Krantz writes this:

Education is not synonymous with the time spent in college.

My comment with amendments:

Obviously, Harrison Kratz is not qualified to redefine education. I do not recognize any authority in a reckless opinion that marginalizes value with a sophomoric quip. [grin]

But I can overlook the faux pas, because Harrison is a hipster, after all, and his enthusiasm for professional training is understandable.

Myself, I am one that appreciates both a classical liberal arts education and the various professional training and experience that is needed to do our various jobs well and professionally. In a forthcoming interview on Christian Hollingsworth’s blog, I speak much on the value of a classical, liberal arts education.

As someone who has been doing various professional things online for 15+ years, I can speak about how it’s been a steep learning curve the whole effing way. And it keeps going and going.

Oh – the things I learned serving customers, selling, solving problems, resolving conflict, doing the work, getting results, managing people and mentoring, and supporting client success! Wonderful things! Terrible things!

But oh so much more oh-la-la for the things you can learn from illuminated reading of Plato, Aristotle, Aquinas, Carl Jung, and Jacques Maritain to name but a few! And for that you need great and inspiring professors.

I understand Gini’s reluctance not to hire anyone without a college degree. When it comes to design, I wouldn’t hire a designer without a college degree in art or design. The fundamentals of art and design are rarely learned outside of the classroom.

On the other hand, I wouldn’t hire anyone just out of business school for anything. Period. [laughing] I love Raj-PB’s comment about the MBA: “Its like teaching someone to fish in a desert.” But Raj scares me. Who is this SEO ninja? He’s not Ben Clemons or Josh Fuller, but his Disqus doubley points to Ben and Josh’s Profit Blog.

Regarding programmers, I want to see experience and problem-solving, a degree doesn’t guarantee anything about one’s ability to architect killer apps, kill bugs, and scale it up for thousands or millions of simultaneous users. The most competent software architect-programmer-technologist that I have ever met studied architecture.

Neicole Crepeau also makes a strong argument for talent and results. And her recent blog post, Social Does Not Equal Dialogue, reveals how insightful she is – without a college degree.

Byron Fernandez’s comment that “Degrees are a piece of paper” is uncouth coming out of Byron’s mouth – even if the French philosopher and activist Michel Foucault once said the same thing. It suggests several things which I will restrain myself from spelling out. [grin]

Let’s go deep.

Reading Foucault (himself a college professor) suggests to me that universities have the reputation to be places where students receive socially desirable modes of behavior and sociable forms of knowledge so that college graduates may serve the world’s demand for self-regulated citizens, multi-disciplined assets, creative problem-solvers, and servant leaders.

Writes C.S. Lewis:

A modern nation needs a very large class of genuinely educated people and it is the primary function of schools and universities to supply them. To lower standards or disguise inequalities is fatal.

That fact that Foucault handed out diplomas on Paris trains was merely a PR stunt. Like anyone of us, Foucault wanted to be loved, cherished, and honored.

Growing discontent with the grind (workplace), the unbearable 9 to 5, and the insecurity of temporary employment (under five years) which is evidenced by the mass migration to blogging and other online activities which anticipate self-employment, financial freedom, and self-development, however, strongly suggests that the workplace cannot replace the university and its social functions as described by Foucault.

Even the most rare and enlightened employers do not practice anything like a university culture. Business does not seek truth, goodness, or beauty beyond coincidence. Nor does it function to support citizenship, democracy, or human culture beyond coincidence. Duh!

Of course, it’s normal that an aspiring young professional such as Harrison wants to game the system for his own private and selfish reputation, skip college, and collect $200 as often as possible. Unfortunately, if we allow it as a general- as opposed to a rare exception, we will put democracy, freedom, and human civilization at risk.

I want to also mention that if college degrees were really just a pieces of paper, why does Mr. Fernandez include the tidbit about having a BA in PR on his Twitter profile? [big grin]

If you didn’t learn anything worthwhile in college, you wasted your time, the time of your colleagues, and the time of your professors. In other words, you are responsible for that effing fail. Just saying.

Nonetheless, I wish you all peace and prosperity – if and only if by good means and to good ends.


If you think that this blog post sucks, let me know in your comment and don’t forget to include a link to YOUR favorite blog post.

If you think this blog post rocks, tell me why it rocks in the comment. “Awesome,””Great post,” etc. works for me. Don’t forget to include a link to YOUR most recent blog post.

Stan Faryna
07 November 2011
Bucharest, Romania

P.S. Help me to do something beautiful! Click here.

Blog Soup 2011.11.07 Unbid Tears, Love, Hope, and Imagination

November 7, 2011

Blog Soup

by Stan Faryna

Stan Faryna

Blog Soup 2011.11.07. Unbid Tears, Love, Hope, and A Little Imagination

On the street I saw a small girl cold and shivering in a thin dress, with little hope of a decent meal. I became angry and said to God; “Why did you permit this? Why don’t you do something about it?”

For a while God said nothing.

That night he replied, quite suddenly:

“I certainly did something about it. I made you.”

– invisiblepeople

I read a lot of blogs. Maybe, too many. I comment on a lot of blog posts. Maybe, too many. If you are a Triberrati, you do too.

A Triberrati is a blogger that stands out in the Triberr community. Triberr is a web app that connects bloggers and helps them to curate each other on Twitter. You can learn all about Triberr by reading any of the following posts about it.

1. James St. JohnTriberr: They Want To Change The World

2. Yomar LopezHow Triberr Changes The Competitive Landscape

3. Neicole CrepeauFriday Fives: Tips For Using Triberr

Gary Portnoy, Where everybody knows your name (Cheers theme song)


Allow me to share with you this poem by the American poet Raymond A. Foss, The Suffering of a Righteous Man.

May it take no more suffering of a righteous man
for us to see the error of the ways, the loss in
the coarseness of our land, the silver lining
may it shine, for all to see, heed its call
to reconcile to each other, seal the breach
the loss we all share, the responsibility too
to make the bonds anew in troubled times
reclaim that which was lost before he fell
the latest metaphor, the latest martyr
to a failed collective age
all about me no more for we cannot
will not understand the taking the pain
of innocent blood, holy blood shed
so that we might see, change our ways
act now act differently to one another
to each other, as the son gave his life
for our sins, may we acknowledge
the sacrifice just paid for what it is
a chance to change course
heal this city, reclaim it for our own
neighbor by neighborhood.

Brené Brown, Strong Feelings, and an Invitation to Do More than Imagine

Most of my readers will know of Brené Brown from her TED Talk about the power of vulnerability. Brown relates human happiness to human connection and whole-heartedness. Those who are most happy are those who live whole-heartedly, explains Brown.

More importantly, Brown explains that to live whole-heartedly means to feel strongly including strong feelings of compassion, sorrow, empathy, disappointment, shame, etc.

I mention Brené Brown because this edition of blog soup invites you to feel strongly. On a Monday – no less! This blog post invites you to struggle with strong feelings of sorrow, shame, and compassion. This blog soup is about human pain, suffering, and need. It invites you to share in feelings that are as wide as humanity and the world AND reach as high as heaven.

If you believe in God, I invite you to share in one of the most profound feelings that radiate from the heart of the Creator. For those who know anything about God, know that God looks upon us, into us, and through us with a constant sorrow and sympathy – not scorn!

If you do not believe in God, I invite you to share in a feeling that unifies the human family at it’s most profound and collective depth.

The invitation is not to a deliquescent, drug-like emotion to be tasted because it can be tasted and blow our minds. The invitation is to participate in creation, to realize our passion through action, and to make this a better world today, immediately!

This invitation is partly what social media is about. And if not at all, social media has been a waste of human effort, hope, and imagination.


Just some of the blogs that I recently commented on:

1. A Blogging Hiatus Till We Get This Done by Margie Clayman

2. Homeless Kids in Public Schools by Mark Horvath

3. Is your criticism based on reality? by Carey Fuller

4. Taylor and Mike via invisible people

5. Finding joy through The C.A.R.E. Movement by Christian Hollingsworth

6. A Matter of Trust by Nancy Davis

7. Love doesn’t have to cost anything by Bonnie Squires

John Lennon, Imagination

Blog Soup

Just some of the blogs that I recently commented on:

1. A Blogging Hiatus Till We Get This Done by Margie Clayman

Marjorie Clayman wants you to donate $12 to Luma Mufleh’s Fugee village.

My comment:

I was over at Amber-Lee Diddle’s blog and Amber-Lee insisted that we check out Marjorie’s blog post about Fugee village.

The good news is that Marjorie is going to blog again. She’s not going to continue with her blogging sit out until 400,000 people donate $12 each to Fugee village. The better news is that she helped get more than 60 people to make donations to Fugee village.

Some may suggest Marjorie is an impetuous drama queen, but I understand her want to do something epic for a good cause. I understand Marjorie Clayman’s urgent and deeply sincere want to see something happen right now. There is no reason we should hold Margie to the fire by her ankles.

After all, I am trying to give away some cool things to help Nisha Varghese. You can see it here. But it looks like I have failed to succeed to inspire people to give to Nisha’s cause. I can’t even boast being responsible for 60 donations of $5. And I won’t hold it against the world.

For me, it’s in God’s hands. I showed up. I did all that I could do. And so did Marjorie Clayman. She showed up and so did her friends: Amber-Lee, Nancy Davis, Eleanor Biddulph, Brandon Duncan, and others.

I appreciate you, Margie Clayman.

2. Homeless Kids in Public Schools by Mark Horvath

Mark Horvath interviews Marian Riner of the Fayetteville Public School system. Her office is a food and clothing pantry. They discuss the growing problem of child homelessness.

My comment:

Mark Horvath shows up for a lot of people in need. God bless him. Follow Mark on Twitter at @hardlynormal, he often throws out beautiful opportunities to help people in a number of ways.

As Marian tells it, things are getting worse. School Districts across America are trying to be there for families in crisis.

Though it may be difficult to imagine, there are currently 1,500,000 homeless kids in America according to Diane Nilan, Founder and President of HEAR US.

You rock, Mark! Keep fighting the good fight! Because there ain’t a better fighter than you.

3. Is your criticism based on reality? by Carey Fuller

Carey Fuller is a homeless parent in Seattle. She works two jobs and lives in a van with her children. In her video, Carey shares the common challenges trying to keep her family together – challenges which you or I have no idea about.

Writes one commenter who confirms the challenges that Carey speaks about:

Being homeless is exhausting in EVERY way imaginable. My schedule looked a lot like yours. Find somewhere to park > Try to sleep > Find somewhere to cleanup in the AM > Get the kids to school > Call places for help/look for a job > Pick the kids up > REWIND!

My comment:

Carey, I admire your tremendous courage and humility. My prayers are with you.

Reflecting on Carey’s struggle, I can hear John Lennon singing the words:

Imagine all the people sharing all the world. You may say that I’m a dreamer. But I’m not the only one…

Forty years ago, John Lennon’s Imagine hit number one on the UK charts. More about that here and here.

4. Taylor and Mike via invisible people

Mike and his six year old daughter Taylor live in a homeless shelter in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Mike was hurt at work and without income they lost everything.

My comment:

The homeless have a story. Mark Horvath, Carey Fuller, and others allow their voices to be hear. In this video, Taylor and Mike speak from their heart.

Mike talks about the difference between the homeless and the helpless, the growing incidence of family homelessness, and how he wished he could find work.

Six year old Taylor can’t wait for them to get out of the shelter. “This is crazy!” she says.

5. Finding joy through The C.A.R.E. Movement by Christian Hollingsworth

Christian Hollingsworth interviews Al Smith of the C.A.R.E. Movement.

CARE is an acronym for; Communicate, Appreciate, Respect, Encourage. We offer Positive Attitude Solutions to improve morale and attitudes in the workplace and at home.

My comment:

As many of us bloggers have discovered, Al Smith found that he could share his heart, concerns, and inspirations with the world via blogging.

Good advice from Al:

Just find one thing to hold onto, when life is tough. I also have to agree with Al. That the first step toward serenity is gratitude.

This week, Al is hanging out with the Kellie Walker and Erika Napoletano and sharing the CARE message at TEDx Peachtree.

6. A Matter of Trust by Nancy Davis

Nancy Davis is guest posting on Al Smith’s blog.

Nancy writes about the challenges of overcoming a lifetime of mistrust, abuse, and violence.

My comment:

God bless you, Nancy. I’m praying for you. Hold on to hope, humility, and gratitude – no matter what happens. They will see you through when life is tough.

What I didn’t write:

I was surprised to read the comment by Ameena Falchetto.

Ameena writes:

I actually don’t trust many people.

I don’t know why Ameena’s comment took me by surprise. Because she was honest? Or because I didn’t expect an outgoing blogger like Ameena to feel that way about the world?

Trust, I believe, is a cornerstone of engagement, human relationship, community, government, business, civilization, knowledge, science, hope… and, yeah, everything beautiful, good, and true!

And yet I am intimately familiar with betrayal, abuse, violence, crime, disappointment, unfair competition, slander, etc.

It’s not all or nothing with me except for the most exceptional or unfortunate of cases. Forgiveness, for example, is an important decision that I cannot ignore in my response to others – even those who have harmed me.

So, yes, I continue to take risks in matters of trust especially in regards to friendship, love, faith, or compassion. Nor am I so agile, deft, or insensitive to avoid considerable and deep pain, disappointment, and deception.

Eye of the Tiger, Ameena?! [big hug] Who are you fighting, silly?

I’ve got a new, more powerful mantra for your consideration: All You Need is Love

7. Love doesn’t have to cost anything by Bonnie Squires

Writes Bonnie:

Money is tight for a lot of people these days. But that doesn’t mean the love has to stop.

My comment:

Bonnie describes 10 free or low cost ways to show up. To appreciate, to give thanks, and to be kind. It’s an old post, but a very, very good post.

As usual, Bonnie also links to good blog posts by cool bloggers such as Richard Bejah, Erica Mallison, and Gini Dietrich.


If you think that this blog post sucks, let me know in your comment and don’t forget to include a link to YOUR favorite blog post.

If you think this blog post rocks, tell me why it rocks in the comment. “Awesome,””Great post,” etc. works for me. Don’t forget to include a link to YOUR most recent blog post.

Stan Faryna
07 November 2011
Bucharest, Romania

P.S. Help me to do something beautiful! Click here.

Blog Soup 2011.10.24 A Blogger’s Digest

October 24, 2011

Blog Soup

by Stan Faryna

Stan Faryna

I read a lot of blogs. Maybe, too many. I comment on a lot of blog posts. Maybe, too many. If you are a Triberrati, you do too.

A Triberrati is a blogger that stands out in the Triberr community. Triberr is a web app that connects bloggers and helps them to curate each other on Twitter. You can learn all about Triberr by reading any of the following posts about it.

1. James St. JohnTriberr: They Want To Change The World

2. Yomar LopezHow Triberr Changes The Competitive Landscape

3. Neicole CrepeauFriday Fives: Tips For Using Triberr

Gary Portnoy, Where everybody knows your name (Cheers theme song)

Earth Date 2011.10.24

Just some of the blogs that I commented on this week:

1. Frank’s #FollowFriday: Christian Hollingsworth by Frank Dickinson

2. Libya: Celebrations as Gaddafi Confirmed Dead by Amira Al Hussaini

3. I’m Going On House Arrest Until I Have 100,000 Twitter Followers by Christian Hollingsworth

4. The Walking Dead Lunchbox Now Available For Pre-Order! by Nicholas Teri

5. Inspiration, Horses and Alaska Chick by Amber-Lee Dibble

6. 3 Sure Ways To Never Be Happy by Anne Egros

7. You Cannot Change What You Do Not See by Danny Brown

8. Reclaiming my love of the online world by Margie Clayman

9. I Realize Blog Comments are NOT a Business Model by Marcus Sheridan

10. Why Occupy Wall Street Media Coverage Is Superficial by Donald Mazzella

11. Facebook Privacy Complaint: A Complete Breakdown by Ian Paul

12. Social media scandal and seasonal social media satire! by Peter Masters

13. The Writer’s Relationship by Barry Morris

14. Can social survive without me? by Bill Dorman

15. Howard Gardner on The True, the Beautiful, and the Good 

Christina Aguilera – Beautiful

Moveable Feasts, Scooby Snacks, Etcetera

1. Frank’s #FollowFriday: Christian Hollingsworth by Frank Dickinson

Frank writes:

“Christian Hollingsworth is an online POWERHOUSE! He’s everywhere, doing everything with everybody.”

My comment:

Christian Hollingsworth brings many good things to how he does social media:

1. Energy
2. Passion
3. Curiosity
4. Wonder
5. Friendliness
6. Commitment

Does Christian sleep? Or does he fold time and fit 48 hours into a day? One wonders in awe.

2. Libya: Celebrations as Gaddafi Confirmed Dead by Amira Al Hussaini

After hundreds of thousands of tweets and guess work between news of him being captured, wounded, killed, or all three together, the National Transitional Council (NTC) has finally confirmed that Libyan dictator Muammar Al Gaddafi is dead.

My comment:

Gaddafi’s murder provokes questions and, perhaps, a new look at politics. It is a murder – not a death as journalists and everyone else seems to want to describe it. The world, generally speaking, wanted the man dead. Gaddafi’s death is not an accident. He did not die of natural causes. His murder was pre-meditated, prayed for, and executed with great ambition, intelligence, and force.

Are we uncomfortable to admit to the dark side of the human heart? Of our own murderous hearts?

I do not dispute the reasons which motivated the murder. Nor do I dispute the reasons which motivate the celebration of Gaddafi’s death. Gaddafi, himself, is said to have given the order to kill specific individuals and communities (men, women, and children) which opposed his Libyan rule. And I am reminded of the old saying, he who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. But this does not mean that Gaddafi’s blood is not on our hands.

I do not believe Gaddafi would have surrendered himself to Libya or the world for judgment and humiliation as did Christ. Certainly, Gaddafi was given considerable opportunity to do so and he politely and not so politely declined. But even if he was the one-eyed kind in the kingdom of the blind, he was not a lunatic until we said that he was a lunatic.

The Gaddafi that fought for his life, family, and rule until he was struck down – he was the same man that was previously received warmly as a leader, statesman, and businessman by world leaders, statesmen, and businessmen. But if the world could be said to be naive, tongue in cheek, then the Arab world is rampant with polite lunatics for Gaddafi may have been the boldest of all the arab leaders of the twenty-first century.

Certainly, he was the only one to face the so called evil West with outrageous impunity.

Gaddafi represented all of the pride and prejudice of the Islamic empire, Arab nationalism, and the “Oriental” soul. The sound and the fury!

Saddam Hussein, we all know now, was nothing more than an angry American muppet and, unfortunately for him, a pretense to reassert European (British and French) interests in oil production. Funny thing about that. The most cynical of Americans thought it was about American interests in that same oil production and how very mistaken they were and continue to be. So why did America do the dirty work for the Europeans when Europeans all along have been plotting along to abandon the dollar and force America into a long, dark night of despair?

Gaddafi represented all of the pride and prejudice of the Islamic empire, Arab nationalism, and the “Oriental” soul. The sound and the fury!

Osama bin Laden? Another angry American muppet (aka fattened calf). Little did he know his retirement in Pakistan was not a long retirement.

But like Stormbringer says to Elric in Michael Moorcocks’ Elric Saga – so the black sword (oil) said to Gaddafi: “Farewell, friend. I was a thousand times more evil than thou.”

What I have written is merely wild-eyed conjecture and speculation. Science fiction, perhaps. Any correlation to truth or any likeness to reality is merely coincidental and was intended by the author as entertainment of a mature audience.


My comment was apparently rejected.

3. I’m Going On House Arrest Until I Have 100,000 Twitter Followers by Christian Hollingsworth

Christian says that he wants 100000 Twitter followers. Presently, he has 84,351 followers. Is he serious? Or does he just need a little attention?

My comment:

I understand the need for speed. I understand the need to do epic shizz. My call to action, motto, and self-description on my calling card or business cards have always stated this strongly.

1. Miracles on Demand
2. Do amazing things
3. Fortune Maker

My sophomore year in college, I drove “non-stop” from Los Angeles to Earlham, Indiana (about 4,000 miles if I remember correctly) in 40 hours. Of course, I had to stop for gas and when I did, I did all the other things too.

Also in my twenties, I used to do overnight powerpoint presentations for leading McKinsey and Anderson business consultants for their next morning presentations with Fortune 100 C-Suites. I ate the impossible like a snack and I was well paid for it.

And I kicked off my first start up with a proposal to use online marketing to capture a niche market for APC that I had identified myself. It opened up an international market worth tens of millions per year. I don’t think I slept more than 20 hours/week for three months to make that happen.

Um, I didn’t intend to write about me in this comment.

I see you (Christian) killing yourself to be a social media rockstar. I honor your yearning for greatness as I mentioned on Frank’s tribute to you.

But I do want you to think deeply about where you are going with all this awesome. Because I care about you.

1. Do you want to make a lot of money?
2. Do you want to change the world for the better?
3. Do you want to serve God?
4. Or, perhaps, all of the above?

You don’t need all the answers right now. But you do need the questions that your heart may search them like uncharted seas.

4. The Walking Dead Lunchbox Now Available For Pre-Order! by Nicholas Teri

A walking dead lunch box for $12? Zombie fans unite!

My comment:

I just rented Season 1 of AMC’s The Walking Dead. Saw the first episode just now. Looking forward to knock down the rest of the season tonight.

But I have to wonder what is it about zombies that has such magnetic appeal? Ok, vampires can be sexy, powerful, and forever. But I don’t think most people want to be a zombie. They smell really bad, they are ugly, and most of them are just way too slow for the dance floor.

Part of the appeal of zombies, perhaps, is the want to kill zombies. Is the appeal relevant to our unavoidable existential struggle with death and dying? Or is it as simple as killing our problems without entertaining the moral questions and emotional confusion that unsimplify our reality?

Perhaps, zombies represent life’s challenges, others, and our humble fears. Slow moving target, often and apparently lacking intelligence, and somewhat predictable. They only come as a crowd if you make too much noise. If only all our problems were just head shots and easy targets!

In his blog post, Why zombies?, Tobias Buckwell says that zombies work because…

1. Guilt free mass killing
2. Zombies represent larger societal fears including invasion, consumerism, government secrets, and weapons of mass destruction
3. Social criticism

Whatever works about the zombie genre, I must observe that the zombie problem does not suspend our own questions about good and evil, morality, goodness, and, perhaps, also truth…

In fact, the drama of the zombie brings us back to the most basic questions of being, morality and truth.

To be is good. To be alive is good. There is certain objective truth about the goodness of being and life – however, primary and elementary. To fight to stay alive is good – generally speaking.

To live, to love, and to know – all human good is founded upon these three things. In a manner of speaking, they are the natural law from which all moral and legal questions are based.

Do you like the zombie genre? Why?

5. Inspiration, Horses and Alaska Chick by Amber-Lee Dibble

Amber-Lee gives with gratitude. Not like a duty, but as a delight. Like the natural, uplifting song of wild birds in the morning.

Amber-Lee gives thanks to Janet Callaway, Margie Clayman, Steve Bloom, me, Marcus Sheridan, Danny Brown, Lisa Barone, Gini Dietrich, Bill Dorman, Mark Schaefer, Christian Hollingsworth, Aaron Biebert, and many others.

My comment:

It’s ironic that the last scene of The Walking Dead’s first episode of Season One had Altana’s zombies feeding on a horse. Because the next blog post I read was by Amber-Lee. And the title, of course, mentioned horses.

Since there’s a population of eight or so in Chisana, I don’t think there is ever going to be a zombie problem in Chisana. I’m glad about that because I think grizzlies, cold, and silence is a big enough challenge for them up there.

Amber-Lee’s story of the two horses is a wonderful parable of a world of we a la Dr. Jack King. I recommend that you read it, today.

To live, to love, and to know.

Amber-Lee’s parable speaks indirectly to the natural law, our life, and our destiny. And if you remain unclear about what it means to know, to know is to receive, eat, and drink the Beautiful, the Good, and the True.

The light of God, in other words.

For some, this is most certainly the splendor of truth that shines from the cross.

And be transformed, thereby.

6. 3 Sure Ways To Never Be Happy by Anne Egros

Anne says that three things will make you unhappy:

1. Not knowing what happiness means to you

2. Doing things you don’t like to please others

3. Blaming yourself

My comment:


1. You should discover an understanding of happiness. Physical sensation, feelings, conscience, intuition, reason, spirit, and good authority are TOGETHER good indicators of whether or not a thing serves or prevents joy.

Be on guard against false happiness, however. For they do not fulfill you. They consume you.

2. Pleasing others for no other reason than to please others is imprudent to be sure. Likewise, displeasing others for no better reason than to contradict them is equally problematic.

Because we were meant to love one another and lift each other up insofar as we were meant to give selflessly of the Beautiful, the Good, and the True which is mirrored imperfectly through our selves.

3. The blame game is when you blame yourself without any sincere endeavor to face, fix, and avoid repeating the problem, mistake, or offense. It’s an easy trap that catches us up when we avoid responsibility, love, and humility.

Shame and anger are not virtues, but they can serve our conscience. And conscience, however fallible, ever serves as the personal and intimate revelation of the divine, the sacred, and our own humanity.

7. You Cannot Change What You Do Not See by Danny Brown

Value is difficult to appreciate – especially if it is not obvious, intense, and related to the things that matter to people. Creating obvious value in a highly competitive market often requires taking a deeper, longer look at what you are doing and what your customers want.

Danny tells the fantastic story of Nintendo’s comeback with the Wii as a parable for reinvention.

My comment:

I can’t help but think of the millions of little business bloggers being like fry in an ocean. In other words, food for bigger fish. Can any value that they create make a whale of a story? [grin]

Marcus Sheridan’s recent post, 10,862 Comments Later, I Realize Blog Comments are NOT a Business Model, suggests to me that little business bloggers may only ever be. Fish food – that is.

And so it may be that Christian Hollingsworth should be shooting for 5 million followers in five months! [grin] Because the funny thing about 100k may be an unfortunate joke on him.

What say you, Danny?

8. Reclaiming my love of the online world by Margie Clayman

Margie was disappointed by how some responded to Trey Pennington’s suicide. It made her question her enthusiasm for online community.

My comment:

What hit me hardest about Trey Pennington’s suicide was the paradox of him having 100,000+ followers and 5,000 Facebook friends (not to mention considerable admiration among social media celebrities) and still feeling so alone and overwhelmed by his problems that he killed himself in a church.

Depression is a disease. I get it. But that does not preclude further feeling, thought, and prayer on the variety of questions and problematics that his or any other suicide may provoke.

Presently, tens of thousands of Japanese people are walking that line. They are thinking about suicide. Because the tsunami and nuclear reactor meltdown has devastated their lives, family, and belief in a better future. I don’t think meds are going to save them all – if the meds were available for free. And the meds are not available to most of those Japanese people trying to negotiate one day at a time.

Like you, I believe that we can and should lift each other up – that we can use the internet to do beautiful, good, and true things. We must choose to do so. Yet I understand too that it is not easy to choose to do so each and every day. I also understand that we do not all agree on what is good and true.

Suicide, for example, is a problem with many sides. Even as a subject for discussion. For example, some feel that suicide (of a stranger or someone closer to the heart) is a personal insult and offense to their life, difficulties, and decisions. Others respond with sympathy for the dead or the family and friends of the dead. Disagreements will abound if we are honest with each other. How we negotiate such disagreements will vary.

How will we negotiate disagreements about the things for which we feel strongly and passionately (for and against)? Do we hang out only with the people that agree with us? Do we bite our tongue in the public square? When can we protest, argue, and negotiate a wider understanding that includes all of the sides of a problem without bias?

These are the questions I would like to add to your own questions about how we can make the online world shine. I hope you don’t mind.

9. I Realize Blog Comments are NOT a Business Model by Marcus Sheridan

“Over 10,000 comments and not a single customer,” reports Marcus Baker.

If you need validation, go for the comments. But if you want engagement, it’s the emails and phone call that count. That’s what Marcus seems to be saying.

My comments:

In a comment to Danny Brown, Leon Noone quotes Mark Twain:

It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.

10. Why Occupy Wall Street Media Coverage Is Superficial by Donald Mazzella

Donald writes that the media has failed to bring the protest into perspective. Journalists aren’t thinking about or investigating what’s happening in America that is fueling the inarticulate concerns of Occupy Wall Street. We just get 20 seconds on the evening news.

My comment:

Zuccotti Park, in fact, seems to be more of a small circus freak show than protest. I’m not surprised by editorials by Aaron Biebert and Eugene Farber regarding Occupy Wall Street. However, if one looks to all sides of the problem without bias, the incoherence of Zuccotti Park actually represents the breaking down of American society and life.

The reality is that nothing makes sense anymore. There are no answers and solutions. There are only more and more problems.

What’s wrong with America has become so vast and deep that it fuels intuitive and existential apprehensions which can only be understood by the protestors within their own subjective ponderance of personal problems that they immediately comprehend and experience.

In other words, Americans feel strongly that the shit has hit the fan, but they don’t understand how their own personal problems belong to a widespread failure of systemic proportions. The ship is taking on water at multiple points below deck. The intellectuals and experts, themselves, seem to lack the imagination and courage to speak honestly.

Fear is thick as fog. And visibility, consequently, is reduced.

It’s very much a need to know thing that’s going on. Between government offices as much as between government and financial institutions, government and the people, and mainstream media and the people. Some will even suggest that the freak show at Zuccotti park is allowed to go on with the show because as long as no one addresses, thinks about, and comprehends the bigger picture, apprehension will not become outrage. Myself, I find it unlikely that editors and bureau chiefs have caught a bad case of stupid.

The truth, however, will set us free. Not better marketing and political maneuvering as some might suggest.

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness… this is not a campaign slogan. It is a sworn and inalienable guarantee. But if you don’t take it seriously as a citizen, no politician will either.

11. Facebook Privacy Complaint: A Complete Breakdown by Ian Paul

The Electronic Privacy Information Center and 14 other consumer protection groups have lodged a formal complaint against Facebook with the Federal Trade Commission.

At issue are Facebook’s Instant Personalization feature; the inability of Facebook users to make the ‘Likes and Interests’ section of their profile private; and the fact that Facebook discloses user profile information in certain ways even if a user has elected to keep that information private.

The full compliant is here via PDF.

My comment:

Yomar Lopez sent me a link to this article via Twitter. So I checked it out.

Facebook has long gamed privacy. That we know. Sometimes, Facebook is doing questionable things because it is in Facebook’s business interest. Sometimes, it does them because that’s where we need to be headed in terms of the social web. And, yes, that is also in Facebook’s business interests.

The sharing that happens with instant personalization, likes, interests, for example, is not inconsistent with the vision of a semantic web in which relevant information can be easily shared across independent communities, networks, and platforms. We all want this – more or less.

On the other hand, when you can view the private chats of your friends on Facebook, no one will agree that such a “feature” advances the quality and relevance of online life and community.

Obviously, Mark Zuckerberg lacks the maturity, conscience, and sensitivity to lead an organization such as Facebook. And that’s the bottom line.

12. Social media scandal and seasonal social media satire! by Peter Masters

Asks Peter:

“What’s happening over at Empire Avenue? Where’s all the social media love and affection gone?”

My comment:

The times they are exciting in social media as Peter observes. Empire Avenue and Klout have shaken, stirred, and unmasked the stupid clowns as John Garrett would say – if he had a mean bone in his body.

13. The Writer’s Relationship by Barry Morris

Writes Barry:

I am in a thriving relationship. I’m in relationship with my writing.

My comment:

I noticed the link on John Garrett’s Twitter feed.

I understand Barry but I am also concerned about the consequences. A great loneliness awaits Barry – when Barry’s teenage son grows up and leaves the nest. It’s not so far off, in fact.

I have always been passionate about my work – whether it is a start up, online strategy, design, writing, etc. I can devote myself to it with single-minded, intense focus. And with fierce loyalty.

But I have sometimes considered that the work does not give back like I give to the work. Nor does it keep me warm under the sheets through a long, winter night.

The work does not bring me a mug of steaming Harrod’s Earl Grey No. 42 when I am chilled. Or a tall glass of iced sweet tea on a hot summer day. Or a kiss to seal my sleep with peace.

Perhaps, the thing to do is learn from one’s love of the work and bring such passionate dedication to the one who’s kiss can seal your sleep with peace. Or inspire you to grasp the stars with a bare hand. In other words, to do the impossible.

14. Can social survive without me? by Bill Dorman

Bill Dorman is back.

My comment:

Good to have you back, Bill. You’ve been missed. I had noticed your absence and promptly informed Klout that you’ve been slacking. But never you mind about the klout foolishness.

Congrats on your hole-in-one!

You’ll be back in swing just as soon as you make your rounds and leave 100 comments at all your favorite blogs. [grin]

15. Howard Gardner on The True, the Beautiful, and the Good 

In this MOMA (Museum of Metropolitan Art) lecture, Howard Gardner reflects on the concepts of Truth, Beauty, and the Good in a postmodern, digital age.

My comment:

It is often remarked that my comments are unusual. Sometimes, intimidating. I’m not from outer space. At least, I’m not willing to admit to it.

Throughout my commentary, however, some may notice that I have reference points. For example, the Beautiful, the Good, and the True.

Greatness, virtue, the dignity of the human person, and God are also things to which I often refer. There are other things too! love, hope, and faith. Friendship. And other social media DOHs. [grin]

Yes, I want also to be interesting, memorable, and epic.

This MOMA lecture is interesting to me and I’m sharing it with you to give you a sense of my own gravity – a gravity which may be misunderstood through my comments as contention or, worse, contempt.


Comment color 237bdb


If you think that this blog post sucks, let me know in your comment and don’t forget to include a link to YOUR favorite blog post.

If you think this blog post rocks, tell me why it rocks in the comment. “Awesome,””Great post,” etc. works for me. Don’t forget to include a link to YOUR most recent blog post.

If you’re in the mood, stop by my party and wish me a happy birthday here.

Stan Faryna
24 October 2011
Bucharest, Romania

P.S. Help me to do something beautiful. More here.

More Blog Soup

1. Blog Soup: 2011.10.06

2. Blog Soup: 2011.09.22

3. Blog Soup: 2011:10:10

4. Blog Soup. 2011:10:13

5. Blog Soup. 2011.10.17

Faryna Podcasts

1. Why do I blog:

2. If Tomorrow Was Your Last Day:

3. Money Can’t Buy Happiness:

4. The First Duty of Love is to Listen:

5. Are You Ready for Love?

6. Reading The Desiderata.

7. What is Love?

8. Confessions of a Freak-Geek-Misfit.

9. Do you love strongly?

10. Empty-handed, Less Traveled Roads.

11. The Economics of Friendship.

12. Do Not Be Afraid.

Blog Soup: A blog log of a servant triberratus 2011.10.06

October 6, 2011

Blog Soup
by Stan Faryna

Stan Faryna

I read a lot of blogs. Maybe, too many. I comment on a lot of blog posts. Maybe, too many. If you are a Triberrati, you do too.

A Triberrati is a blogger that stands out in the Triberr community. Triberr is a web app that connects bloggers and helps them to curate each other on Twitter. You can learn all about Triberr by reading any of the following posts about it.

1. Yomar LopezHow Triberr Changes The Competitive Landscape

2. Jason YormarkTriberr: How I Increased My Reach to Over 300000…

3. Neicole CrepeauFriday Fives: Tips For Using Triberr

Soggy Bottom Boys, I’m A Man Of Constant Sorrow

Read the rest of this entry »

Blog posts that make you always feel amazing

July 5, 2011

Why do I blog?

A few weeks ago, Christian Hollingsworth of the Smart Boy Designs blog asked me why I blog. I could have referred him to my recent blog post, but something had changed inside me. And Christian was specific in his question:

Share the thoughts of your heart. I really want to know, why you blog.

Read the rest of this entry »