The Great Divorce: The chest drops out of a Patsak

February 25, 2008

Yesterday, I attended the second hearing in our divorce proceedings. Again, she did not show up for the hearing. Anyway, she gets everything- so to speak. There was no necessity for any kind of court room drama.

It is almost done.

Like evil waiting upon the results, ready to count the casualties and measure the precise pitch and degree of devastation, confusion and chaos.

And when this evil is accomplished, still divorce remains a difficulty, an enigma and a paradox to me and my highest hopes. The future just hangs there.

I wait for answers. Patience now…

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It feels like evil. Perhaps, because it may be, in fact, evil. All of our good will could neither prevail nor prevent this sudden termination of the most beautiful… promises, oaths and legal obligations. On the other hand, beautiful things can be as fleeting as the beauty of a lifeless, cut flower-  when these things are not meant and only made from convenience.

And yet – even if evil – this does not preclude a distant happy ending, only unhappy results and a heart-felt penitence that must be conducted and managed with even greater responsibility, better decision and more noble action than evidenced in our practice and commitment in marriage.

Beyond Good and Evil, there is a breakdown (a la Heidegger) in myself, my destiny, and my eternal integrity.

Everything seems changed.

Love, marriage, and me are no longer what they seemed to be. Yes, I am changed, changing, and becoming something else — not without heart aching and unbid tears.

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