Five cent tour for Patsaks:
Mostly, I write for myself. I write as if my writing is written for my own consumption and benefit. Hence, I rarely put effort in polishing it up for public consumption even when I put it out there. To understand, to analyze things, and to discover myself in the pinging of the examined object: person, place or thing. If there is echo, I have found myself and somehow I find more of myself in the world than in contemplation.
There is a moment in public writing when critics will question why you write- especially so when speaking about Romanians who tend to believe that writing and art is only used for propaganda and marketing. It’s not that they don’t accept the proposition that writing and art can be separate from politics and business and pursue a freedom of expression, but unless the writing or art is crap and nonsense, they will mistrust you. They will imagine sinister motives and methodologies.
Some imagine me to be a CIA operative. Unfortunately, the CIA cannot afford my hourly rate.
Critics may imagine you (the writer) to be a megalomaniac because, in fact, they envy you for what they perceive as an apparent command of words, laguage, ideas, and authority. They envy something that is not there.
A megalomaniac, by definition, is controlled by their own delusional fantasies of immeasurable wealth, power, or omnipotence. I, myself (for example) would be satisfied with an effective measure of these things. And if I was so lucky, I would trade it all for true and lasting love, a few good books, forty cases of great wine, a great education for my son, to always be there to break bread with my son, and a Ferarri. He’ll like the last one too. Someday.
Of course, the Romanian critic doesn’t really care to know the truth of the matter. He only wants to know what he wants to know. In the case of the Romanian critic, the unkind critic is just bored with them self and, somehow, all the critic really needs is a little cheap entertainment, some juice and a good laugh at your expense.
Most of the time, I can afford them this much without too much complaint.
When you are criticized for what you write because of what it changes for them and the world… without returns, then the critic should really worry. Fortunately, I am not deserving of that kind of scrutiny- not in Romania or anywhere else. Nor can I imagine that my writing shall ever merit such unpleasant attention.
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