Do you love strongly? And Other Social Media DOHs.
by Stan Faryna
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Are you getting all the love you want? Are you connecting with people? Deeply? Often?
Am I? Am I getting all the love I want? Am I connecting with the people that lift me up?
Science says that those who believe they are worthy of love and connection, enjoy more love and connection in their lives. That’s what Brenay Brown says in her TED talk.
She studies human connection – our ability to empathize, belong, and love.
Those that live fully are those who have love and who connect with others. Brown calls them, the whole-hearted.
I want to be whole-hearted.
Am I whole-hearted?
According to Brown, the whole-hearted live with courage, compassion, integrity, justice, and vulnerability. That sure is a long list… of big words.
What is courage?
Courage is about doing the right thing- especially when fear, force, or challenge strongly recommend against you doing the right thing.
When was the last time I did the right thing at a cost?
What is compassion?
Compassion is about honoring the presence, dignity, hopes, aspirations, fears, defeats, and suffering of others.
The last time I saw an elderly or disabled person, I don’t think that I looked to see if I could make the moment easier for them? I went about my business without a second thought.
You?
What is integrity?
Integrity is about honoring you and the you that you see in the other. It’s about upholding your dignity as a human person and rising yet higher. It’s about uplifting others and not pulling them down.
Do I have integrity? Do people come to me for advice on difficult questions– and do they follow my advice?
You?
What is justice?
Justice is about giving what is due. The free market, in fact, is not a fair and just arbiter of value – it is merely a convenience. Likewise, human laws are often more convenient than they are true. Remember that. A good sense of justice requires prudent judgment, good conscience, and certain disinterest in the outcome.
Do I settle for convenient solutions? Do people come to me, first, to solve a conflict?
You?
What is vulnerability?
Vulnerability is about being open to authentic relationship. Brown describes it as allowing others to see you more deeply.
Am I the first to say, I love you? I miss you? Do I ask for forgiveness?
You?
I want to be the one to say things from my heart. I don’t want to wait for the right moment. I don’t want to wait until you speak from your heart. Because maybe you are waiting for me to speak from my heart.
Do you have strong feelings for others?
The whole-hearted live with strong feeling. They allow themselves to feel strongly about themselves, others, and things. They love with their whole hearts. They give. They share themselves; and, again, they allow themselves to be seen deeply.
Strong feelings can be uncomfortable, I know. They can be scary. Strong feelings embrace risk and promise as two sides of the same coin.
Strong feelings demand spontaneous expression and responsibility… as much as they demand sustained attention and ownership in the heart.
Strong feelings ask much of us. Almost as much as they give to us.
On the other hand, the consequence of living with muted feeling is living with a muted heart, muted joy, muted love, muted connection, and a muted life.
Am I living with the mute on?
Nothing sucks more than living on mute. Is that how I am living life? On Mute?
If your answer is yes, then now you know. Now you know why it sucked to be you.
But Aaron Biebert challenges us to consider the possibilities of living whole-heartedly in his blog post, Say The Words That Choke You Up.
Actually, there’s several bloggers out there exploring what it means to live more fully. To feel better. To enjoy more.
Check out:
Lori Gosselin’s blog post, What’s Your Ikigai?
Janet Callaway’s blog post, The Hidden Benefit of Blogging
Marcus Baker’s Do You Know What Oprah Knows?
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What do I really want? What do you really want?
Do you want to be a social media success? A blogger with a million fans? A somebody?
Or do you just want to live more fully? Do you want to feel love more strongly in your life?
The answer is the same. The bottom line is that we all want to be happy. And others will listen to you – if you can truly help them to be happy and to live whole-heartedly. But you can’t help them- if you don’t allow yourself to live bravely and whole-heartedly.
How will you live bravely and whole-heartedly?
How will I?
Honor your inspirations! Be true. Give without expectation for any return. Share deeply of yourself – more often and regardless of your fears and shame.
Feel strongly and follow the whispers of your conscience, your heart, and your greatest hopes.
Love strongly.
Love strongly.
Love strongly.
Stan Faryna
15 August 2011
Cacica, Romania
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Faryna Podcasts recently produced by Adrian Klein:
1. Why do I blog: Faryna Podcast EP1
http://wp.me/pbg0R-kX
2. If Tomorrow Was Your Last Day: Faryna Podcast EP2
http://wp.me/pbg0R-la
3. Money Can’t Buy Happiness: Faryna Podcast EP3
http://wp.me/pbg0R-lv
4. The First Duty of Love is to Listen: Faryna Podcast EP4
http://wp.me/pbg0R-lO
5. Are You Ready for Love? Faryna Podcast EP5
http://wp.me/pbg0R-lX
6. Reading The Desiderata. Faryna Podcast EP6
http://wp.me/pbg0R-mr
7. What is Love? Faryna Podcast EP7
http://wp.me/pbg0R-mw
8. Confessions of a Freak-Geek-Misfit. Faryna Podcast EP8
http://wp.me/pbg0R-nJ
Note: If you want to make a professional podcast out of your blog post, get in touch with Adrian Klein on Twitter or Facebook.
Faryna Podcast EP9 Information
Do You Love Strongly? by Stan Faryna. ©2011 Some Rights Reserved.
Produced by Adrian Klein. http://www.adrianklein.co.uk
Music by Adrian Klein. All Rights Reserved by Stan Faryna
Follow me on Twitter: @Faryna
The unofficial blog of Stan Faryna 
Stan!
You know, I stumbled over Brenay Brown’s Ted talk AFTER I’d gone through a very difficult personal experience and dared to be vulnerable and live “wholeheartedly”. I was feeling sooo vulnerable and awkward and strange! I can’t describe to you the relief I felt when she described what I was feeling and associating it with something positive instead of what I was used to hearing: “Betsy’s out there!, too open, share’s too much,” etc. It’s not like I wasn’t going to keep being myself, but it helped so much to have someone say it was really the only way to truly connect and feel whole (my words not hers). Age helps. I’ve progressed to seeing that I’ll never know if anyone hears or sees me or even understands who I am at my core. What matters is that I experience the moment as fully (and fearfully) as I want and then…enjoy the consequences!
Thanks Stan.
Fun stuff!
Betsy
Betsy, I’m just getting to know you through your comments and blog posts, but I can tell that you put a lot of you into loving strongly and living whole-heartedly. And I really do appreciate that about you.
Have you read any of Brown’s books? I haven’t, myself. But it’s on the to do list.
Big hug to you.
Hey Stan,
Thanks for the post mention my friend. 🙂
Those are some powerful questions to consider.
I heard a great one the other the day that made me ponder all day –
“Are you living on pause?”
So often we are waiting…. waiting for something, someone, anything… instead of “being” the perfection that we are NOW and letting that energy express through us so that we connect with others meaningfully, wholeheartedly, completely.
~Marcus
Marcus, you always bring it. Thank you. Why are we always waiting, indeed! Why are we always waiting?!
I forget who said this but a great man once said, “Never miss a moment.” That’s what I think of here.
Things will always be in flux.. But we can control our thoughts and our actions. Reach out to people TODAY and stop waiting for a miracle or super hero.
“I am whole hearted”. There is room for expansion and improvement..but I am whole hearted. These are the words of my confession
Big hug to you, Stacey.
My feelings on the subject are the same. Even when we embrace strong love, strong feelings, and whole-heartedness, there is no finish line. We have to keep on moving. Expanding. Growing. Throwing light. Like stars.
Throwing light that will shine long after we have passed from these bodies. Like star light that reach us maybe a million years after that star has faded.
Oh, man. This rocks hot, Stan. It’s so spot on I can’t even comment. Very deep, meaningful, poignant. Thanks for inviting me to feel this. Jayme
Big hug to you, Jayme. I appreciate you.
I thought this blog post might bring a smile to your heart.
Stan, this is really an amazing post and I’m honored to be mentioned in it.
This is a very good question: “Are you living with the mute on?”
Wonderful thoughts.
Thank you, Aaron. I appreciate you.
The mute seems to be a default for me. I have to keep on un-muting. Thanks for bringing a spot light to that important question.
It’s certainly easy to live with the MUTE on by default. We’re bombarded by so much negativity and noise so we start to tune out the world. This is why we have to unite with like-minded people, people that bring light to our lives like all of you do.
I appreciate you guys as well.
WOW!!
Who is this speaking here? All the people you mentioned are folks that I truly respect and admire.
There’s so much good in this blog entry and podcast.. but the biggest thing to me is the matter of vulnerability.
We live in a time where people are hiding behind avatars and fabricated personas. They’re scared to be authentic because that puts them at risk of rejection, judgment, or worse.. But they don’t realize that someone out there is looking for THEM to make a stand for what they believe in.
To me, this is all about introspection and embracing our core values.. Take a risk and embrace the hurt, because that’s the only way you can truly appreciate what you have and not only experience joy but be CONTENT every day.
This may sound silly to some but.. The podcast choked me up a bit. I try to live by this and I’m not always successful.. But folks like you keep me focused and inspired!
Thank you, Stan.. You always know how to speak to the soul.
I don’t think I can ever stop saying how much I dig your handle: Yogizilla! I smile every time I see it in comments, Twitter, etc. I think of it like all the fun-loving goodness of Yogi bear super-sized to godzilla epic-ness.
The voice is mine. The awesome sound production, however, are belong to the rockstar and rockstar maker, Adrian Klein.
Together, we can stay focused, inspire each other, and keep on un-muting. Eventually, whole-heartedness will become the default.
Dude, out.
Haha Stan – that made me smile in return!
That’s exactly the emotion I try to illicit with this old handle. I’ve been rockin’ Yogizilla for a while now. It’s become a sort of personal brand.
DUDE.
You have a GREAT radio voice! I really need to get back into podcasting so I can have you and other folks join me in some fun. Kudos to Adrian Klein for the sound work. VERY professional!!
I believe in the mission and vision here.. and it excites me. WHAT an awesome discussion here. I can lose myself here all night if I don’t pull myself back.. Haha
Simply brilliant stuff here.. by everyone! =oD
Another beautiful post/podcast, Stan. You have a talent my friend. Beautiful and powerful content.
Thank you for your encouragement, Eugene. I appreciate you.
When are you headed for the big apple? Do you have things figured out?
I try to live whole heartedly but everyday is a struggle. The good news is I am committed to find a way to love the way I should. The way others love me, without conditions. This was a great read. Thank you for putting this together.
Frank! You showed up for my rap. That’s awesome. Thank you.
You’re a shooting star. No doubt about it. Don’t you doubt it. Just keep on keeping on.
Hey.. I never noticed this but you’re a Doctor Who fan?? OH MAN. No wonder we get along. You truly are a cool dude, Stan!
…You might appreciate the image I used in my latest post:
http://yomar.me
ENJOY! =o]
The Tardis! It’s way better than a Ferrari. [grin]
I’ve been a Dr. Who fan since forever. [laughing] Actually, I think I’ve been watching since the early 80s. Tom Baker was righteous.
It’s always good to know there’s another Dr. Who fan out there!
Note:
Feel free to leave a hyperlink and the blog post title to your recent blog post. Hopefully, with a comment. [grin] I don’t have any issues with polite self-promotion in the comments. Actually, I encourage it. And, just maybe, I’ll come visit.
Hi Stan
WoW amazing post. I loved this pod cast ,blog.
these are getting better and better.
With me what you see is what you get. Nothing but
honesty and love.
Thanks for sharing your blog post
Bonnie Squires @bonnie67
Here what I helped with this year Marie Horne Wikle
@SpreadingJoy
http://www.spreading-joy.org/site/more-than-supplies/
[…] 1. Do You Love Strongly: Faryna Podcast EP9 http://wp.me/pbg0R-nY […]
Stan, this was a very magical post, and it’s definitely given me a lot to think about. I think I’m going to have read it again, and maybe a third time, to get a fuller idea of what it truly entails. Thanks for enlightening me today 🙂
From what I gather, you want to live more fully. We all do. We all feel that there’s more to life than what we have, and we want to have it all. We want more, more, more.
I used to think like this, but then I realised something. I realised that we can’t seek more ‘life’ from outside of you, we can’t hope for ‘more’ to come to us. Everything, life, is already inside us. We already have a full life, a perfect life, and everything we could ever wish for. It’s all here. But most people have forgotten that. Most people think their answers are separate from them.
We are the answers, we are the questions, we are everything. And if that isn’t enough for a full life, I don’t know what is 😉
Stuart,
I want all of the really good stuff – the supernatural and natural virtues, the gifts and powers of the spirit, the blessings of heaven and peoples, etcetera. And only as much of the bad as is necessary – for I understand pain, sorrow, and disappointment can serve a higher purpose. But things- things not so much.
Yes, we have so much in us that is so poorly or imperfectly realized, utilized, and understood.
You walk with wisdom, Stuart. I need to pay more attention to your blog. Give me links. Recommend some blog posts.
Stan,
I am heading out tomorrow, into the wilderness. I am taking this one with me so that I can read it again out there in the quiet. It is beautiful. You are beautiful. ~Amber-Lee
Amber Lee, I’ll miss you. Be safe. Happy trails. And hurry back.
So much to think about here- the truths of our heart and what we share are significant.
I’m always glad for your encouragement, Jack. I appreciate you.
It’s so true that we don’t think and feel through enough of the truths of the heart – though they are truly everything that matters. Myself included.
[…] Do you have a fragmented social media heart? […]
Stan the man, I do feel I’m whole-hearted. Because of this and my openness it does make me vulnerable at times; but the risk is worth it.
What do I really want? I want to be happy and be able to help others when I can. Not necessarily the big things, but the little things because sometimes they make the biggest impact.
Fortunately I am a happy person and I don’t want for much. As far as blogging goes, I hope I can stay readable and people enjoy the interaction they have with me; nothing more and nothing less.
Podcast was cool and now I know who you are in my reader; I’ve got my eye on you…………:)
I’m not surprised by your affirmation, Bill. You’ve put yourself out there often and that has won you much respect and appreciation.
As I said once before, it will be good people like you that will have to hold the line. When the line cannot afford to be moved further.
[…] Do you love strongly? And other social media DOHs. #whole-hearted […]
My apologies for my late arrival, Stan. As always, your words are both beautiful and inspiring. Just a few days ago, I was watching the movie Adaptation (one of my faves) and a character said something that hit me, so I wrote it on my white board: “You are what you love, not what loves you.” And then here I am today, listening to a similar, very important message… Serendipitous.
Marianne, it’s good to hear from you. I haven’t see Adaptation but now I must see it.
“You are what you love – not what loves you.”
I like it. I’m not sure what it means, but I like it.
It’s about not spending your life trying to get others to love you, but instead giving your love freely.
Adaptation is Nicholas Cage and Meryl Streep, crazy story, but amazing.
“It’s about not spending your life trying to get others to love you, but instead giving your love freely.”
YES!
I was totally going to say that!
What’s interesting is that we just saw the movie this week.. Well, my better half did because she got impatient and watched the rest of it on her own.. What I *did* get too see I thought was great, though she was not a big fan (and I’m being generous).
I did notice that Nicholas Cage’s character seemed repressed and the matter of unrequited love seemed to be stressed very clearly throughout the film… So, when you shared that quote, Marianna.. It clicked!
“You are what you love, not what loves you.”
How often do we get consumed by something? It may be love, at least at first, but eventually it devolves into obsession. So is the nature of one-way relationships.
More importantly, loving freely, expecting nothing in return.. That’s a much better way to go than spreading some love in hopes of receiving something back, even if it is just gratitude. That’s a fool’s endeavor.. Just treat others as you would like to be treated but, remember, so much of what we do in life is a thankless job so, if you nurture a spirit of servitude, you won’t seek out that validation…
…And when the pat on the back comes around, it’s like Christmas all over again (or whatever holiday you prefer/celebrate)! =o)
Marianne, I saw Adaptation (thanks to you) and I enjoyed it so much. Thank you.
What a powerful post Stan. I do believe that I’m whole-hearted for the most part. I do have compassion for others although I’m certainly not able to help or care for everyone. I do go out of my way though to help others.
Kind of a wake up call for many of us I believe. I appreciate you sharing this with us and enjoyed the podcast as well. I’m not a regular visitor over here but I can do something about that now.
Adrienne
We know there is epic need across the plant. Injustice is everywhere. There is oppression, corruption, and violence. There is misunderstanding, poverty, disease, hunger, and thirst. Just as you say, the need in the world can be overwhelming. But we can do what we can where we are. Just as you suggest, we can bring let our hearts speak to us and the world about the things that we see and hear.
Doing what we can where we are is important, makes a difference, and heals us and the world where we stand.
I appreciate you Adrienne. I see in you a force for much good. A force of compassion. And strong, powerful hands.
I’m thankful for your visit. I don’t know if I will always be able to inspire you to keep on doing amazing things, but now you know this is my preposterous intention.
Stan,
you put into words what my parents have taught me. They have no mute button, so to speak. Sometimes it takes adversity to take the mute out of your life: My dad has battled cancer since 1989 and not until 3 years ago was he ‘fired’ by his doctors. He is in good health but he never takes it for granted. His mute button got permanently removed during his first cancer surgery. He doesn’t live life as if this is the last day on earth, rather he lives his life as this is the day that counts the most! Not until I became a parent 15 years ago did I fully understand his desire and need to live this way, but it puts everything else in perspective. I love strongly, yes. I haven’t permanently removed my mute button (I sometimes regress) but I have removed the fear button. No more fear. We must take life as it comes. To experience pain and grief is to experience life.
Deep thoughts with Stan Faryna.
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